


We'd Feed Well the Land and Worry the Sheep

by cookietosser



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Akira POV, Angst, Awkward Flirting, Biting, Blow Jobs, Body Worship, Dom/sub Undertones, Eventual Smut, First Time, Fluff, Goro POV, Hair-pulling, Hand Jobs, Headspace, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Napping, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Praise Kink, Spoilers past November
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-04-26 10:28:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 34,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14400240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cookietosser/pseuds/cookietosser
Summary: After Goro joins the Phantom Thieves, he and the Leader bond through nap dates





	1. After the insects have made their claim

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be nap date fic and it kinda turned into subspace nap date fic so uhhh enjoy :> any critique/suggestions is helpful and appreciated!
> 
> goro does a lot of overthinking and introspection so thats why things derail and spiral off topic yes im blaming him instead of me
> 
> title of work and chapter titles come from "in a week" by hozier, or as i like to call it, "morbid nap date song"
> 
> UPDATE: edited for protag to be called Ren instead because the name has really grown on me looool

Ren groans pointedly for the third time in ten minutes, and Goro’s focus on the movie playing on the small TV wanes. He indulges in the clear grab for attention that the other boy is making by looking over at him, raising an eyebrow as his inquisition.

 

Ren, with his arms over his head in mid-stretch, meets his gaze, “These chairs sure are uncomfortable, wouldn’t you say?”

 

Goro opts to continue indulging Ren instead of pointing out that he was the one who pulled the folding chairs in front of the TV initially, “And what do you propose as an alternative? The couch?”

 

Akechi Goro isn’t a fool. He can see the exact path this conversation is taking them: behind them, to the left, against the wall, and on Ren’s very small (Ren would say  _ cozy _ ) bed. Despite not suggesting it outright, the boy is being far from subtle. He never is, really. From his favorite greeting to give Goro after coming back from school (“ _ honey, I’m home” _ ), to the cups of coffee he places in front of goro with a wink (“ _ made with love” _ ), one would have to have their head so far up the clouds that regular human interaction just does not occur in order to miss the giant hints Ren was laying down.

 

Goro’s head was not up in the clouds. But he plays the part- naive and clueless, because it comes across as charming and  _ cute _ and it has worked far too well for him in the past. If he wants the Phantom Thieves, particularly their leader (sitting next to him, giving him  _ bedroom eyes _ for god’s sake; to which a small voice in the back of Goro’s mind that sounds keenly similar to Ren answers, “ _ well, we are in a bedroom” _ ), to remain oblivious to his true goals, he must play his own role. More genuine, more earnest, blind to ulterior motives to cover his own; someone so caught up in his sense of justice that he doesn’t notice aggressive flirtations.

 

Well. it would be a lie to say Goro  _ wasn’t _ obsessed with his quest for justice. He simply recognizes his methods as unconventional. Thus this big, elaborate facade to begin with.

 

If he plays as if he is unaware of the subtext between their interactions, as if he cannot see the blatant want in Ren’s body language (all too easy to observe in countless others since Goro’s rise to fame), Ren will inherently be emboldened as the superior in their dynamic and become comfortable.

 

Comfortable eases away from suspicion, eases into trust, eases into exposing the soft underbelly only to be shot.

 

So Goro frames his reactions to Ren as such. He draws out the game between them by refusing to participate, makes Ren work for it and grow bolder with each bypass, swelling up his ego to the point of explosion- sudden and violent like Goro plans for his betrayal and subsequent killing to be.

 

If it makes Ren’s flirtations this blatant, well. Goro dug this grave himself. He has to lie in it before Ren does.

 

“It’s a bit small, don’t you think?” Ren spares a look at the couch. “Also, its at a weird angle. Our necks are gonna get sore trying to watch the TV from that angle.”

 

“Well, there’s my suggestion,” Goro gestures to Ren, prompting him to present his own and get closer to his end goal.

 

Ren smirks and rubs the back of his neck, charisma on full display, “the bed’s pretty comfy.”

 

If Goro feels his face grow hotter, then it only helps his case, “Ah.”

 

“I don’t bite. Unless you want me to.” Ren’s eye twitches as if he just barely suppressed the urge to wink. At Goro’s lack of response, he sighs and drops his arms to his sides, “my ass is getting sore sitting on this chair. I’m moving to the bed and getting comfortable, you’re free to do as you please.” With that, he gets up and moves.

 

This game they’re playing at is delicate. Goro has to come across as interested enough, but not too eager as it could set off Ren’s suspicions. He knew where this was going when he agreed to watch a movie over text, and he’s been waiting for the scene to play out so he could act accordingly. Now it’s his cue to begrudgingly give in, Ren smirks, maybe gives a quip, and Goro blushes. Start the cycle over.

 

“You have a point that these chairs do not offer much comfort…” Goro waits a few seconds before standing and moving to the bed, where Ren has already sprawled his long legs out and rested his head against his arms, back to the wall. He smirks and pats the spot next to him with, “I’m an  _ expert _ at comfort,” and Goro’s face grows hot as he tentatively takes a seat where directed. His calculations are usually correct.

 

A few moments of heavy silence passes before Ren pierces it, “you can lie back, you know. The whole point of moving over here was to get comfortable.”

 

“Yes, of course.” Goro hastens to lean back and get settled in an act of awkward compliance. It does the trick, as the smile Ren gives him can only be described as  _ fond _ . Goro’s stomach twists at the observation.

 

He also notices that in this position, their arms are pressed together, as would their legs be if Goro laid them out on the bed as Ren has. Ren eyes the limbs pointedly but turns back to the film, out of respect for Goro’s boundaries.

 

_ How thoughtful,  _ Goro’s mind sneers. Still, Goro cannot play this game entirely without initiative, so he lifts his legs and places them on the bed, easing more in his relaxed position. Ren marvels at their new point of contact and Goro mentally gags a little at how easily he is obviously pleased. He shifts again, feeling all of the areas they are currently touching from shoulder to foot, and hums in admittance, “This is better.”

 

A chuckle escapes Ren, “Yeah, it is.”

 

As the movie continues and the sun sets, giving the room a last bit of warmth before the dark creeps in, Goro decides he should initiate further contact once more. Ren has seemingly clammed up now that he has gotten what he wanted and that won’t do. They’ll get nowhere at this rate and Goro is on an incredibly small time limit. He hums again in resemblance to a yawn and reclines his body further, his head now parallel to Ren’s shoulder. At a quick glance, Goro can see Ren’s eyes glued to the film, but it is apparent that is not where his attention lies. His breaths are deep and slow, deliberately hiding a quickening heart rate. His face is carefully blank of expression, but his body is tense, the one shoulder Goro is planning on resting his head on is frozen in its journey to Ren’s ears. The boy next to him is full of anticipatory energy, and the subsequent body language is attempting to hide that. 

 

Akechi Goro isn’t a fool. He takes the dive and lays his head against Ren, feeling the tense shock, followed by the slow easing of his muscles. Goro can feel eyes on the top of his head, but he keeps his gaze trained on the TV, feigning the innocence he has established multiple times over. After a few minutes, Ren’s body relaxes completely and the game continues.

 

It doesn’t take long for a strain to develop in Goro’s neck, much like Ren had imagined it would had they moved to the couch instead. His head shifts on impulse in an attempt to find a better position and Ren notices, immediately rushing to accommodate, “Here--”

 

“I’m fine.” Goro interrupts.

 

“No, really, just-” “It’s fine, really-”

 

They talk over each other and shuffle in an awkward mess of limbs until Ren is lying down completely and has his arm around Goro in an abrupt pause, both boys frozen as they eye each other warily. Ren had attempted to pull Goro down onto him until he seemed to reach the conclusion that they had not crossed that threshold yet. As much as Goro’s stubborn play at naivety has prolonged this game, Ren’s infuriating insistence on respecting Goro’s personal space has had a large factor as well. It is the cause of the majority of their holdups until Goro relents and pushes them back along, assuaging Ren that he is indeed a wanting participant.

 

Goro concludes that once again, it is up to him to get the record started again so that this horribly uncomfortable pause can end and sighs quietly before he slowly eases his body down next to Ren’s. His body relaxes as it meets the bed bit by bit until his neck is holding his head up and he hesitates, looking to Ren. He still has an arm around him, and it leaves him in an inviting position, but under established pretenses, Goro is required to check, double check, triple check.

 

Ren responds to Goro’s gaze by tilting his head up and pulling Goro closer, and Goro answers by settling his head between Ren’s collar and shoulder, body curled towards him. Both boys remain tense for a few moments until they get adjusted to the closeness, and Ren breathes deeply before squeezing Goro’s shoulder, an expression of satisfaction and (again) fondness. Goro glances up as much as he can in this position and his eyebrows pinch together; Ren appears to be settling down to go to sleep.

 

“What about the movie?” Goro blurts, remembering in that moment that neither of them are really in a position to continue watching anyhow.

 

“I’m done with it,” Ren responds easily, which puzzles Goro enough until he continues with a surprising, “It’s kind of bullshit isn’t it? The entire conflict is based around miscommunication. Each person sees their interactions in their own way and instead of clearing the air by discussing it with each other, they continue to operate on their own pretenses and cause more issues than needed. It’s lazy and overdone, I don’t really need to see more of it.”

 

Goro imagines a little trickster god cackling in his ear at the irony of it all. “Oh.”

 

“Sorry, I read about it in this film studies book I bought on a whim. I thought it’d help me understand some movies better, but I guess it just helped me sound more like a douche.”

 

Goro chuckles obligingly as they go back to their usual script, “No, it’s...insightful. Films are complex pieces of work, I find myself interested in learning more about them myself.”

 

“I can lend it to you, if you want. This movie sounded like it’d be up your alley, but I’m finding this particular development-” Ren gestures to their bodies lying together, “-a lot more enjoyable.”

 

Goro’s cheeks grow warmer despite himself. “I am too,” he admits quietly. He can feel Ren’s breathing against him and notices that the comment earns a pleased huff.

 

Their bodies seem to grow heavier with the decision made that the movie was not worth their attention, and a particularly powerful yawn - the kind that causes a violent shiver and tears to form due to its intensity - ripples through Goro. Ren laughs lowly and Goro places a hand to his mouth as if to push back the yawn, despite it already occurring, “My apologies. These cases the Department has me looking into take more energy out of me than I anticipated.”

 

“Top that off with schoolwork…” Ren adds.

 

“And blackmailing and infiltrating a certain crime group…” Goro continues in a playful tone, feeling the shakes of Ren’s laughter. Goro leaves it at that, certain that he does not want to indulge more on what Shido has him doing. There’s no reason to. Ren will be dead in a few weeks’ time anyhow, all according to Shido’s plans, and thus, according to Goro’s own plans.

 

A part of him wonders why he’s so insistent on dwelling on Ren’s demise today.

 

“Sleep,” Ren answers simply, “it’s still early, the trains will be running for a while. That’s what I plan on doing.”

 

Goro hums in agreement. It couldn’t hurt. They’ve moved on in their game to...cuddling, might as well continue for pretences, “Perhaps I will.” Before he can think to do it, he nestles closer to Ren and shuts his eyes, sleep coming to him quickly.

 

 

When Goro awakens, he is warm and content. Consciousness creeps upon him gradually until he observes that the room is much darker than it was previously. His hand shoots to his pocket for his phone, 22:37. He curses and barely gives any notice to Ren stirring beside him as he shuffles into an upright position, scanning the room for his belongings so he can get the hell out of there as soon as possible.

 

He had not meant to stay this long. This is approaching another level too quickly for Goro’s comfort. He was playing the game so carefully but succumbed to it himself, lulled by a sleepy presence beside him and the temptation to rest without calculating what his next step should be. He is faintly aware that he is letting his mind run wild in a fit of anxiety, but if it gets him out of this building in the next few minutes, he has no substantial complaints.

 

He does make himself pause before he begins his descent down the stairs, looking back to Ren for a final word.

 

Ren, arms pushing him up only slightly from his reclined position, looks at him with a faint smile that suggests he is disappointed by his departure.  _ Don’t look at me like that _ . “I assume it would be presumptuous to ask you to stay?”

 

_ Of course it is, how have you let your guard down so easily? Have you no sense of self-preservation? It should not be this easy for you to trust-  _ “I couldn’t ask that of you,” he says instead.

 

“Maybe next time, then.” His eyes seem so earnest. Perhaps it’s that aspect of sleepiness that make a person more honest. More vulnerable. The thought of doing something like this again, willingly putting himself in such a state in front of his enemy leaves Goro squeamish.

 

“Maybe. Thank you, by the way. For this.”

 

“Anytime.” As Goro starts his descent down the stairs, he hears, “Text me when you get home.”

 

On the train ride to his apartment, he fails to not think too much about the intimacy they had just experienced. It all seemed so innocent, insignificant in what they were doing, but how Goro felt during and how he feels now thinking back on it suggests otherwise. It was only sharing a small space with someone, confiding in the comforts of sleep for a short while, but the amount it has affected him raises concern. He turns his thoughts to Shido, to his plan, recites it repeatedly in his mind and lets the anger and vengeance fill him, pushing out the warmth and affection that crawled in after this evening. He exhales deeply.

 

For the first time since Goro set off on this stupid path, he feels doubt crawl inside him like an insect.

 

* * *

 

Despite the many moments of tension due to Goro’s presence, a symbol of the Phantom Thieves’ ever fast approaching disbandment, Goro cannot help but take some pleasure in traversing both Sae’s palace and the Metaverse with the large group. They are all able to take out their frustrations on Shadows, take in the glamour of the casino, and engage in chit chat while Morgana zooms through subway lines. The small part of him that resembles a lonely, forgotten boy revels in the joy of interacting with a group of friends while the rest of him jaded by society’s misgivings strives to remind himself that this is all temporary, and none of it real anyhow.

 

That voice is even harder to listen to when Ren insists they hang out alone after each excursion. They’ve steered clear of impromptu nap sessions, much to Goro’s relief, but instead have engaged in a variety of activities such as dinners, trips to the museum or movie theater, shopping for books; activities that any fool would be left wondering why Ren would want to do these things  _ alone _ instead of with the group.

 

Well. As previously established, Akechi Goro isn’t a fool.

 

The only thing stopping these events from being dates is the refusal to be claimed as such verbally by either one of them. Goro’s reasoning due to his act of playing dumb, while Ren’s is assuredly to make sure Goro does not feel pressured in any sort of way. Although Goro has to wonder how much longer it will take for Ren to try anything more than his persistent flirting. It doesn’t really matter to him if Ren pursues more with him or not, but he’s curious. For insubstantial reasons, obviously.

 

It isn’t until the day they attend the planetarium. They are standing in relative silence, waiting for their respective trains to arrive to take them home for the day when Ren suggests it, “Wanna come back with me?”

 

It must’ve been the generally more romantic air that was present during the show. Anything else they’ve done out in public before today could’ve been excused as friendly interactions with only the purest intentions, but even Goro couldn’t feign to ignore the atmosphere surrounding them under the fabricated galaxies. And he couldn’t not have noticed Ren’s eyes sliding over to him every now and then, gaze seeming to be placed on his gloved hands especially. But he hadn’t done anything about it and since their nap that one day, Goro hadn’t felt particularly inclined to move things forward for him anymore.

 

He looks at him now, observing his nervous tick of playing with his hair. It’s kind of late, and they’re both visibly exhausted from the progress they had made today. Normally they would conclude that they’re too tired to do anything else, which has Goro concerned about what Ren thinks they’d be doing if he says yes.

 

He has the sinking suspicion it involves sleeping.

 

But he hasn’t said no so far in his mission to make sure Ren is kept unawares, and that voice that tells him to be careful, to not get caught up in this elaborate scheme is unusually quiet at the moment.

 

_ For appearance’s sake _ . “Sure. What do you have in mind?” He steps closer to Ren and away from where his own train would be when it arrived.

 

“I can make you coffee and curry. I’m just still feeling wired but also exhausted so I’m not up to much. You can say no,” he adds, weirdly hesitant.

 

“I’m feeling similarly,” Goro smiles reassuringly, “food would be nice, but maybe not coffee. Caffeine will surely mess up our sleep schedules and I don’t think we can afford that right now.”

 

Ren nods, “We can eat and relax, unwind. It’s what I’d be doing anyway.”

 

“As would I,” Goro concedes, “Might as well do so together.” He doesn’t have much experience in the “having friends” department, but even he knows this is suggestive. He’s willing to be as long as Ren starts it, he supposes.

 

The journey to Leblanc is quiet and feels oddly uneasy. The two of them have had no problems filling the silence with dialogue on all sorts of topics, but this time there is a specific, more-than-friendly motive to their bonding this evening and the realization of such is making the tension palpable. Goro can’t help but wonder if teenage romance is like this normally or if their situation is special.  No doubt the tension is exacerbated with all that is and will be between them (a gun, to mention one thing), but if Goro doesn’t know how things are normally supposed to be how can he play at it?

 

By the time they get to Leblanc, the lights are dim and Boss is nowhere to be found. Goro is relieved that they don’t have to wait for any customers to leave before closing up, but feels more antsy as a result of them being alone in the cafe already. Ren starts getting what he needs to make curry, and Goro latches on the the observation that he only gets one plate out.

 

“Are you not eating?” He asks as he sits in his usual spot.

 

Ren stops what he’s doing and looks in his direction, but not quite making eye contact, “I’m suddenly not really hungry, so no.” He’s a picture of nervous energy, shifting on his feet even now as he attempts to face and talk to Goro. He sort of misses the flirting. It was easier feeling nervous when Ren was at least being confident, all he had to do was play it up more.

 

Now that they’re both visibly unsteady, it makes Goro’s job a little bit harder. He forces himself to speak up before Ren starts moving again, despite the words wanting to stay in the comfort of his mind, “Well...I’m not. Terribly hungry, either. So.” He looks to the direction of the stairs leading to the attic as a way to avoid eye contact. They truly make quite the pair, “We can just...get to it.”

 

Ren scoffs at his admittedly crude phrasing, but it makes him put his cooking utensils down, “Listen, I’m not. It’s not like I invited you back here for sex or something, ok?”

 

“Oh my god.” It’s out of Goro’s mouth before he can help it, but Ren pays no attention to it, or the hand that has met Goro’s forehead in exasperation.

 

“I just want my intentions to be clear. I like you. I like hanging out with you, and some days I don’t really want it to end, like today. What we did, that one day? The nap? It was really nice. I thought.” No matter how low Goro hangs his head, he is sure that Ren can see how red his face has gotten. “I want to do something like that again. We’ve been going slow, despite everything around us moving so fast. And I’ve liked it. But I want to be honest. I want to date you, I want intimacy with you, like we had that day. So if you’d like...we can go upstairs and. Go to sleep.”

 

He says the words slowly and deliberately, as if the words hold some great weight and he doesn’t want Goro misconstruing any of it. He lets himself mull over it all and Ren respects the silence as he does so, watching him intently without a shred of the nervous energy he walked in here with. Goro still can’t wrap his head around how fast he can change like this. Ren to Joker, an anxious teenager to a man with complete conviction. It surprises Goro every single time. It’s what drew him to the other in the beginning. There’s still the pull now, to be in his presence, to want his attention.

 

Goro can’t ignore that he  _ wants _ what Ren is presenting, and for selfish reasons.

 

Despite the millions of thoughts running through his head, the only thing his dumb mouth can get out is, “Are you that lazy that you want to go to sleep instead of have sex?”

 

Ren chuckles and jokes back, “Well, I’m seventeen, there’s no doubt that I want sex.” Goro hums an  _ I thought so _ , but Ren continues more seriously, “I said that I like that we’ve been going slow. I just want to make it clear that I have been and am still very interested in you romantically.”

 

“Really.”

 

“You like to play dumb.”

 

“ _ Play _ being the key word.”

 

Ren leans against the counter in front of Goro and his smirk is so sharp it looks like it could  _ cut him _ . “I’m smarter than you take me for, and you’re adjusting accordingly, but I am telling you verbally so that you cannot possibly overthink that I am seriously into you.”

 

Goro doesn’t respond to that. There’s too many accusations there, and he feels irritated that despite his best efforts, Ren has him duped. His only option now is to add honesty to the act; at this point, probably way more than he is comfortable with. He  _ needs _ to be on Ren’s good side.

 

Ren must be able to tell that he’s musing and lightens the mood, “Cuddles first, sex sometime later. Way later, if you want.”

 

It does the trick as Goro eyes him with a frown, “Stop.”

 

“Ooh, I like it when you’re pissed.”

 

“I’m serious.”

 

“Sex sooner then? You seem kind of  _ obsessed _ with the idea,” he winks and Goro is debating between feeling relieved that Ren is back to his flirtations or annoyed that that’s exactly what Ren intended.

 

He goes with petulant with a side of embarrassed if how warm his face feels is any indication, “Shut up. I’m fine with sleep, I just sincerely doubted you were. Don’t hold yourself back for my comfort.”

 

“But that’s what a good boyfriend does, honey.”

 

Goro swears this is anger that is setting his face aflame. Pure, white hot  _ anger _ . “B-b….boy-”

 

Ren’s expression grows fond and he eases up on the teasing, “I wanna be. Your boyfriend.”

 

Goro takes a deep breath. This is. A lot. All of this. His cynical voice of reason is screaming at him but all he hears is a distant ringing. There’s a part of him that  _ wants _ , to selfishly take and indulge, and it tells him that doing so would surely keep Ren from getting suspicious. Love is blind, after all. But he recognizes that he’s kept his distance thus far because he knows how badly he wants to give in and he simply can’t afford to hesitate. When his moment comes, he needs to be able to fire and hit his target.

 

He is painfully aware of how temporary all of this is. He is painfully aware of the lies he has told to get here. He is painfully aware that Ren deserves better, doesn’t deserve any of this. But Goro’s plans can’t change and that means Ren is a dead man walking. He’ll carry the regret and the grief along with all of the others he’s killed once it’s over, but until then he’ll give Ren anything he can.

 

When he comes to this conclusion, Goro realizes that Ren’s statement prompted a response and he looks up at him to find him still with a patient and tender expression. Goro is sure that the blush on his face has only intensified since its appearance and he can feel his heart beat in his ears. He needs to say  _ something _ , at the very least.

 

“I. Yes, I’m. I want...that. Too.”  _ Great _ .

 

Ren just smiles gently, because of course he does, and starts heading towards the direction of the attic, “I’m glad. Wanna head up?” Like he still has to give Goro as much verbal confirmation as possible. Which is nice, he supposes, given the previous accusation that Goro tends to overthink. He can admit that Ren isn’t wrong in that account, either.

 

Damn, just how much of him has he inadvertently shown to Ren?

 

He thinks back on the time before he discovered the identity of the Phantom Thieves, back when Ren was just a Shujin student with a challenging aura that he was drawn to, back when he was just the guy who made coffee in Leblanc. Goro reached out to him without a thought, it was harmless back then after all, and he  _ liked _ him. He shared parts of himself, of his past, that he doesn’t normally share with people because he trusted Ren. He found him way more interesting than any other random walking the streets of Tokyo because of his conviction. He let Ren in a while ago, and now he finds that he never left, that he’s like a bullet travelling closer and closer to his heart until he pierces it and ruins him. As long as Goro sticks to his plan, he has never quite cared what happens to him. That seems to include opening himself up to a relationship with the man he will kill in a couple of weeks. 

 

For now, he follows Ren up the stairs. The boy is fiddling about as if in a last minute attempt to clean the place up for company, but they both know the attic won’t look particularly  _ neat _ . It just has a dusty feel that never goes away. When Goro makes his way closer to the bed, Ren moves towards it as well so they arrive together. They look at each other before smiling sheepishly and Ren lays down first, copying his exact position from the last nap.

 

He also leaves his arm extended out again, in an invitation for Goro to curl to him. He gets one knee up on the bed and pauses, still unsure about one issue, “Having all of my weight on you couldn’t have been comfortable.”

 

Ren frowns and looks up at him, “Don’t worry about that. It’s not like you were on top of me, it was just your head and shoulders.”

 

“Yes, but i’m sure your arm didn’t appreciate the lost circulation.”

 

“A small price to pay.” Goro tries to protest further, but Ren raises an eyebrow, “get in the bed, Goro.”

 

Goro’s own eyebrows raise at the use of his given name, but he’s been calling Ren by his for a while now, and since they have proclaimed an advancement on their relationship, it shouldn’t be so surprising. He gives a shaky laugh and makes the rest of the way down, once again leaning on Ren. Ren gives a pleased hum as they settle in and Goro echoes it before closing his eyes. It has been quite a long day and the body warmth eases him to contentment quickly.

 

He tenses when he feels a hand running through his hair, but he melts frighteningly easily as it meets the back of his neck. Ren continues brushing his fingers through and Goro has to bite back an embarrassing sound as he can feel all of the tension fall away.

 

He must’ve made some kind of noise anyhow because Ren answers with a breath, “yeah?” his hand now settles at the base of his neck, rubbing gently, “that feel good?”

 

Goro continues to lay there uselessly as Ren’s ministrations cause shivers all down his body. He leaves himself open to Ren’s hands and cannot harvest enough thought to even react to such an action. It’s as if his rationale has been switched off and he is now merely a pile of stimulated nerves, all at Ren’s mercy. His hand travels upward, digging at a spot behind Goro’s ear and he  _ definitely  _ did not mean to let out a whine. But it’s out there, and he pushes his head into Ren’s shoulder, both to hide his burning face and insist on more affection.

 

Ren gives a shaky laugh in what seems like disbelief, no doubt perturbed by Goro’s touched-starved reactions. Despite his embarrassment, Goro can’t help but silently beg for more attention as he settles more of his weight on Ren. But he is rewarded with further massaging of his neck and a kiss to his crown as Ren whispers, “Easy, I got you…”

 

Goro’s small whines continue as Ren moves his hands to his shoulders, digging at the muscles there, “you’ve got so much tension, I should give you a real massage at some point. Would you like that? Would that help you feel good?” He makes it apparent he doesn’t expect Goro to answer as he drops light kisses to his temple and cheek, which works out great for Goro who can’t be bothered to string two words together in thought, never mind out loud. 

 

A part of him does recognize that Ren has just spoken his name, though, so he forces himself through the fog that seems to have developed around him to lift his head and look at him. He sees such revere and adoration that it would overwhelm him if he weren’t already so and Ren slowly inches forward to kiss him, giving him plenty of time to indicate he doesn’t want this. But he’s  _ desperate  _ for it so he moves towards Ren just a bit before their lips are meeting. It’s strange, and wet, but it feels more right than anything Goro has ever done in his life so he opens himself more to the man underneath him and he feels Ren’s tongue on his, can’t help the sighs and pants as he clutches at Ren’s shirt. He wants him close, impossibly close, all he can think is how much he  _ wants and wants Ren _ . 

 

Ren pulls away but presses their foreheads together, seeming to not be able to stay away either. Their quickening breaths mix together and Goro tries to go for more,  _ needs more _ , but Ren refuses to indulge him. There’s an irritated but desperate noise in the back of his throat, but Ren is speaking, so he waits with bated breath.

 

“God, look at you. You,” Ren takes a deep breath and his tone becomes more level-headed, “You are just irresistible.” Goro gives a low groan and goes back for another kiss, this time Ren responds. He recognizes that Ren likes the sounds he’s making, so he moans pointedly and pushes at him with his whole body. He wants it all, he wants anything Ren will give him. He tries to move down to mouth at Ren’s neck, but he feels his head being moved back up and stills when Ren kisses him chaste and slow, efficiently putting his entire being on hold. 

 

“Remember what I said?” Ren asks, and Goro doesn’t know if he does, “I like that we’re going slow. I want this with you, it’s clear you do too, but not now, okay?” He shushes a displeased whine, “I know, I’m sorry, I worked you up. I couldn’t help myself.” Another kiss to his temple, “You look so good like this. You’re so good, Goro.” He feels himself relax at the praise, eyes slipping shut. “I want to give you so much, you deserve so much. Not now, but soon, okay, honey? I’ll make you feel good, I promise. Just relax for now, come on lay down.” He follows Ren’s command easily, feeling his breaths slow. “That’s it, that’s perfect. Good, Goro.”

 

His soul feels lightened with every word out of Ren’s mouth. His digs himself in the warmth of Ren’s arms and the fog clouding his mind from everything else in the world, not even thinking of the moment when he will have to come back out and face it. For now, he is pliant and content this space with Ren taking care and watching out for him.

 

 

Goro feels awareness creep back to him slowly when Ren shakes him awake. It’s incredibly dark now, and he fears what time it is.

 

“It’s late, the trains aren’t running by now.” Goro groans in response and pinches at his eyes, trying to jumpstart his brain. The fog is going away, but not as quickly as he would like. Like this, he feels almost hungover but also a kind of content that threatens an addiction to it.

 

“It’s Sunday tomorrow. Well, today,” Ren continues. “Stay. I’ll make you breakfast since I didn’t make you curry or coffee earlier.” Goro agrees with a disgruntled nod and rolls over, back facing Ren. He looks back at him expectantly until Ren laughs shakily before coming up and wrapping his arms around him, “A little spoon, eh?” Apparently Goro’s speech capabilities have been reduced to sounds instead of words, as he simply responds with a grunt while burying his head into the pillow. He feels Ren mumble against his neck, “Guess this is when I’m allowed to be more affectionate…” A hand grasps at Goro’s and he squeezes back, letting himself drift once more.

 

 

“Have you ever experienced that before?”

 

Goro looks up from the plate of curry laid out before him. He feels well-energized and his appetite seems larger than normal, wasting no time digging in when Ren placed the food in front of him. He attributes it to the lack of nightmares but chooses to postpone thinking about why that might be for a later time. Ren had chosen not to comment on his good mood until now, dropping the question into the comfortable silence in the cafe.

 

It makes Goro pause as he thinks back on the previous evening, now able to think rationally about it all. His first reaction is embarrassment, then disappointment in himself for being completely vulnerable in front of Ren, but he’s also not quite sure how that came to be in the first place.

 

“I apologize for how I acted last night. It was brash, and if I’m honest, no. I’ve never. Felt that way. I don’t know what came over me,” He frowns at his rice, less hungry than he was a moment ago.

 

“Hey, I’m not complaining, it wasn’t anything bad,” Ren smiles reassuringly, “Just kinda surprised me is all.”

 

Goro gives him an earnest look. He’s ashamed, he realizes, but Ren is still looking at him with adoration, as he did the night before. It’s confusing in a way he hasn’t experienced before.

 

All of this is so new to Goro, which is probably why he feels so uncomfortable and Ren is so at ease. He has given him an advantage over him and he doesn’t know how to fix it.

 

“It looked like a headspace to me,” Ren explains, “It’s like meditation. Everything fades away but your own body. Emotions, senses are enhanced because you’re not thinking about anything else.”

 

“It felt like a fog,” Goro murmurs, “but not...bad. It…”

 

“It felt good, right?”

 

Goro really hates that he is about to reveal this to Ren, but he feels like the boy already knows anyway, “I felt safe.”

 

Ren nods, “You trusted me. You left everything to me. You carry so much tension all the time, you’re probably thinking about fifty different things at any given moment. But last night? You gave everything up to me. You didn’t have to think about anything because I was there for you.” He says these things so matter-of-factly but goro can hear the question in it, searching for confirmation.

 

He nods slowly, forcing himself to make eye contact with the other. And since he’s on a roll with over sharing, “I’ve never had a better nights’ sleep.”

 

Ren grins at the response and spoons more curry on to Goro’s plate, “I’m really glad. I meant it when I said I wasn’t complaining. I’m realizing that I like taking care of you,” Goro blushes before he can think anything of it, “so. Anytime you wanna….” he gestures pathetically. For all the expertise he can dish out, he’s still an awkward teenager. It makes the corner of Goro’s mouth lift shyly. 

 

“I’ll…keep that in mind. Thanks for,” Goro pauses to sift through his thoughts because a handful of things he’s thankful come to mind and it’s actually overwhelming, “understanding. Not judging…and for last night in general.”

 

Ren smiles softly as his words come out slowly, so hesitant. “Always.”

 

Goro frowns and shovels more curry into his mouth.  _ If only. _

 

* * *

 

He wakes up suddenly in a sweat, the echoes of the screams that haunt him ringing in his ears. His face screws up and he rolls over to bury it in the pillows beneath him. He could suffocate himself right now. Be done with all of this. His sobs burn through his chest and eyes and instinct had him lifting his head so he can exhale shakily.

 

They’re getting worse, the nightmares. The day they steal Sae’s treasure is so quickly approaching and Goro is dragging his heels because he let himself develop something special and now he doesn’t want to let it go. He’s questioning everything he’s ever done, how he could possibly get out of it with Shido and stay in Ren’s arms, the only place he’s ever felt peace. 

 

A wail cuts off in his throat as the thought comes to mind that he’s done too much to turn back. The ghostly screams that fill his ears in his sleep remind him of that. There is no going back for him. If he doesn’t finish what he started, all he’s ever done will have been for nothing. 

 

He digs his nails into the sheets and thinks back on the days he’s spent with Ren, a soothing balm on his soul and a torture all the same. Despite all their talk that they will go on another date like the planetarium again, even just to go out to eat or the movies, they spend all of their time alone in Ren’s room. They stay huddled together on that small bed, sharing their warmth and the comfort of their affections as Ren takes Goro to that headspace. 

 

As goro spirals in his own bed at three in the morning, crying his eyes out for his own stupid actions, he craves Ren and that place more than anything. Thinking of those times calms him down just enough that he can pick up his phone and scroll for Ren’s name, and the consistently lack of sleep for four days renders him weak enough to actually call the other boy. 

 

He tries in vain to quiet his frenzied breaths as the phone rings, waiting for the answering machine to pick up. If he can at least hear his voice in some form, maybe a fraction of peace will come to him. He doesn’t expect Ren to actually answer. 

 

“‘llo?”

 

Goro lets out a shaky exhale in shock and more guilt creeps in, “Ren.”

 

He can hear shuffling on the other end, imagines Ren sitting up, “Goro, what’s wrong?” He sounds more alert now, and worried. This was a mistake.

 

“I’m sorry,” is the first thing Goro can get out, the words ever on the tip of his tongue. “I didn’t-“

 

“I’m awake now, don’t worry about it, just tell me what’s wrong.”

 

Tears run hot and Goro clasps a hand over his mouth to keep the sobs in. It’s all he can focus on, he doesn’t want to burden Ren, he just needed-

 

“Goro.” He relaxes ever so slightly at the call of his name. It’s the tone he uses with him in the attic, when he’s easing Goro into his space. Ren must hear that Goro has stopped sobbing at the least, “Nightmare?” He guessed that Goro has them often, based on the confession that he sleeps better with Ren. 

 

There’s a moment of quiet and Goro waits with bated breath on what Ren will say next. He wants him, wants his voice to stop this tornado of thoughts in his mind. 

 

“Are you in bed?”

 

Goro feels his nails digging into the sheets and extends his fingers slowly, releasing tension there. Ren hasn’t even said much yet and he can already feel his calm easing through his own body. “Yeah.”

 

“Grab a pillow and put it perpendicular to you, vertical.” Goro follows the instruction readily, and Ren continues before Goro can confirm he’s done it, like he’s listening carefully for movement. They discovered that Goro has a harder time forming words when they do this, and so Ren has been paying more attention to his body language. Any other time, it would give Goro anxiety about Ren having another advantage over him, but at this moment, he’s incredibly grateful.

 

“Lay down on it like you do with me.”  _ Pretend it’s you _ , Goro thinks and feels silly, but Ren is helping him, not judging him, and as long as he keeps talking, he’ll do whatever he says. He moves the phone to his other ear as he lays back down and manages to mumble, “Okay.”

 

“Good boy.” The rumble of his praise shakes Goro’s core and he exhales, feeling the last bits of the tension leaving him.

 

“Poor thing, I bet you’re shaking right now. I’m sorry I’m not there; if I were, I’d run my fingers through your hair. You like that, right?” Goro knows he doesn’t need to answer, he just closes his eyes and lets the image roll over him. Ren hears his breathing deepen, “My good boy, so sweet for me. I’m so happy you’re relaxing for me, I know it’s hard. Thank you for trusting me.”

 

Goro buries his face in the pillow like he does with Ren’s shoulder. The praise is one thing he is slowly adjusting to, but he is always blindsided by Ren thanking him. He wishes he deserves it, but Ren won’t know he doesn’t until it’s too late.

 

Another sob escapes him at the thought before Goro can clamp it down and Ren is shushing him gently, “It’s okay, I’m here, I’ve got you. You can let go, I’ve got you.”

 

It’s harder to let the fog settle in when he can’t  _ feel _ Ren with him. When  _ the plan _ , his own plan, is at the forefront of his mind, suffocating him. He wants Ren’s calm to push it all away and enfold him, but it’s all so much,  _ so powerful _ tonight.

 

He can practically feel Shido’s large hand gripping his shoulder, an act of approval on the outside, but the feeling of his harsh grip betraying the raw anger and power he possesses. Goro didn’t care about his safety or his fear regarding Shido until-

 

“Ren,” he whines desperately.

 

“Hey, hey, I’m here. Breathe, honey, deep breaths.” They spend the next couple of minutes regulating Goro’s breathing, Ren’s voice a continuous stream that slowly pushes out all other thoughts. He counts beats for Goro to follow, and praises him as he hears him come down from the panic attack.

 

Soon the fog sets in properly, probably due to the overexertion, and Goro lets his body relax fully with dead weight, reveling in Ren’s steady comfort.

 

“That was harder than usual,” Ren mumbles, the exhaustion creeping in on him as well. “Must’ve been a hell of a nightmare. Are you okay, Goro?”

 

“Mmph.”

 

Ren chuckles with relief, “There you go, honey. I’ll want to talk about this later, but for now, you need sleep.”

 

Alarmed that Ren might hang up on him, Goro lifts his head up and makes a concerned sound, but Ren shushes him again, “I’m not going anywhere, I promise. Lay down, honey.”

 

He does so, not thinking about just how well Ren can gauge his reactions without even being able to see him.

 

“That’s my good boy.” There’s a pause as Goro lets the now familiar phrase calm him. “I still need to give you a massage,” Ren begins rambling to keep his voice heard, and Goro feels lulled by the sound of it, closing his eyes and practically feeling the other boy’s fingers in his hair. “I’ve been learning some good techniques from a friend of mine. She’s murder on my back, but it does wonders, truth be told. She’s more of a tough love kind of person though, and I want to be sweet on you. I want to spoil you, honestly. Want to make you feel really good.”

 

(If the both of them weren’t so exhausted, this might’ve gone another direction, but Ren is just letting his thoughts wander out loud so that Goro has something else to focus on aside from whatever is plaguing his mind. He keeps talking until he hears that Goro is properly asleep before smiling fondly and hanging up.)

 

 

He wakes up to a phone call from Shido, the ringing unusually loud right in his ear. He sits up with a start and answers, mind still fuzzy from sleep and last night’s headspace.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Your plan is fast approaching. I trust that you are prepared?” Shido’s voice rings sharp and cruel, a brutal contrast to Ren’s gentle murmurs.

 

Goro indulges in an eye roll, then mentally laughs at this fucked up version of a father annoying his son on the phone. A twisted part of him is always amused that by working with Shido, he gained a father who calls him and pays for his schooling and housing, and all it took was being a murderer for him.

 

Goro realizes he has been sitting in silence mentally laughing at his joke of a life instead of answering Shido and brings himself back to reality, “Yes, everything will go as we discussed. The leader of the Phantom Thieves-” 

 

_ Ren... _

 

“...will be arrested and he will-” 

 

_ I have to kill him. _

 

“...he will commit suicide in the interrogation room.” He feels sick to his stomach all over again. If Shido hears him stumble over his words, he doesn’t comment on it.

 

“Excellent,” Shido sneers. “You know it is impertinent that you succeed?” A most thinly veiled threat that Goro is quite simply used to at this point. He wonders what would happen if he just hung up, leaving Shido sputtering at the disconnected line.

 

“Yes, of course, sir,” he answers instead, “Soon there will be no one standing in your way.” Could he sound more cartoony? If he doesn’t finish things while the man is deep in an evil monologue, he’ll be shocked.

 

“Indeed. This country will soon be in the right hands.” Shido hangs up and Goro stares at the phone, sputtering at the disconnected line.

 

“Prick.”

 

He takes a deep breath the combat the anxiety that has settled in, and sees that he has a text alert, opening it up. It’s from Ren earlier this morning, no doubt awakened by Morgana to hurry and start the day.

 

**[Hope you slept well, text me when you wake up.]**

 

It’s simple and almost professional, but Goro knows by now that it’s how he worries about people without putting pressure on them. It’s what draws so many people to Ren, that he’s unassuming and doesn’t burden others with his own feelings or troubles. Part of Goro hopes he does have people he can turn to, although he is very aware that he cannot be that person.

 

He forces himself to respond so that he doesn’t worry Ren any further.

 

**[I’m awake. I apologize for last night, but I must also thank you. I slept quite well afterwards. I don’t know how to repay you for all you’ve done lately, truthfully. You are quite the leader.]**

 

**[Not a bad boyfriend either, eh?]** is the immediate response. Goro frowns in annoyance, but his warm face betrays how the label still makes him feel.  **[You know that means you don’t owe me, right? We’re supposed to be there for each other and you needed me. That’s all there is to it.]**

 

**[Well. Thank you, regardless. I would have been a lot worse off than I am now. I’m glad I called.]** Goro smiles and realizes he’s not lying. Despite the embarrassment and vulnerability, it feels nice to let Ren help him and share that side of him. He will truly miss it when Ren is gone. But then again, he doesn’t expect to be around long after that anyhow.

 

**[I’m glad you called too. Coming for coffee today?]**

 

The part of him that lies pliant so easily in Ren’s hands wants to say yes, but Shido’s voice rings in his ears and the guilt sits painfully in his gut. He only has a few days left, and that fact makes him want to see Ren all the more, and stay as far away from him as possible. Ren deserves so much more than this.

 

**[Not today. I have some things to take care of at the station.]** The lie comes easily. In actuality, he plans on laying in bed and refusing to acknowledge that he is a person with responsibilities.

 

**[No problem. You mind if I check on you periodically? Just like this.]**

 

It seems like Ren sees right through the flimsy excuse, but Goro can’t help but be touched by the concerned.  **[Sure.]**

 

**[Good. We’re having a final meeting of sorts the day before the Big Day. See you then?]**

 

Goro sighs deeply and ignores his shaking hands. **[Of course, Leader.]**

 

**[♡♡♡ Take it easy, alright?]**

 

Goro lets the phone drop from his hands before his body falls back against the sheets.

 

* * *

 

“We’ll call it for today. Rest well, everyone.”

 

The group disperses with mild chatter and Ren leans back in his chair to brush against Goro’s hand. He remains unmoving from his position behind the leader, subtly trapped by the pressure, and he lets his thumb trace shapes on his back, unnoticable by the others. Ren looks up at him and smiles easily as their voices leave the cafe.

 

“Alone at last,” he winks and Goro rolls his eyes, letting his hand move freely to Ren’s neck now that there are no prying eyes.

 

“Why did Morgana leave as well? It wasn’t on my behalf, was it?” Morgana always seems to be absent whenever the two of them are together alone, so Goro has a feeling he is going to get roped into staying here for a few more hours at least.

 

He looks into Ren’s eyes and can’t find it in him to mind in the least.

 

“He’s spending the night with Futaba, she gets antsy.” He gets up and types something out on his phone before waving it pointedly, “That was her texting just now saying thanks. It’s not like I just saw her or anything.” He moves towards the bed, looking at Goro expectantly.

 

There is a heavy, staticy energy around the two of them as they move together towards the bed, increasingly evident as Ren tosses his jacket towards his desk and motions to remove Goro’s coat for him. The light touches at the back of his neck and shoulders ignite his nerves like a spark and he has to exude too much effort to appear collected. Ren sits first against the wall and back to the headboard and Goro follows, not bothering to leave space between them. Ren always insists on pulling him closer anyhow. Goro’s chest is tightening, whether from anxiety about tomorrow, or the nervous anticipation that always precludes to their fooling around.

 

“How about you, how are you feeling?” Ren asks as he puts an arm around Goro. They haven’t talked in person since Goro called him in the middle of the night, just a few sporadic texts, and Ren has been insistent on checking his mood. Goro has never had someone be this attentive to him, and he still doesn’t know how to respond aside from brushing it off.

 

“Oh, me? I’m excited, honestly. I am curious to see how stealing treasure goes for the Phantom Thieves.” There is a bit of truth to that. The child in him enjoys the theatrics, and he is still impressed that the calling card actually has a function.

 

Ren’s gaze stares him down and he reaches for his neck to play with the ends of his hair, waiting patiently for Goro to continue more truthfully.

 

“I will be happy to help Sae-san as well. I owe her a lot.” He is relieved that he is not involved in that particular part of Shido’s schemes, and hopes that in the end, Sae will stay out of the way enough to not be deemed a threat any further.

 

“Any more nightmares?” Ren is choosing to be more direct, then. The question could be taken as accusatory and Goro would not blame him, he has been avoidant since that morning, but the fingers massaging his neck are soothing, and he leans into it with a sigh. Ren tugs more insistently and Goro lays his head fully on Ren’s shoulder, a familiar position of comfort.

 

“I’ve always had them, it’s not something to be so concerned about,” he mumbles, still deflecting. He can’t help but be stubborn until Ren guides him into headspace. Even then, it’s fine because Ren doesn’t expect him to talk much.

 

Why is Ren with him when he takes so much and gives so little? It won’t matter after tomorrow, but the thought makes the pit in his stomach grow and he buries his face in Ren’s collar. He wishes he could do something for him, he deserves more than Goro has given him, what Goro will do to him.

 

“That might be the case, but you think I can’t tell you’ve been more strung out lately?” Ren’s tone is growing irritable, but he continues brushing his fingers through Goro’s hair. “Did something happen?”

 

“Big project at work,” he lies, and he hates himself.

 

Ren sighs despondently, “I want to help you. I’m trying to keep you grounded when I can, but I still feel you pulling away. I don’t know what else I can do for you.”

 

Goro screws his eyes shut and presses closer to Ren in a feeble attempt to assuage him. He has not right to expect so much of him, but he clings to him anyway.

 

“I’m sorry. It will blow over soon, I promise.” He could cry right now, but he keeps it in. He’s put enough strain on Ren.

 

“...Alright. I just worry about you. You know you can tell me anything?”

 

It’s all  _ right there, on the tip of his tongue _ . Spilling his guts out would be so easy right now. He had thought about it all morning after the night Ren talked him down. It’d be so easy to give Ren what he wants, to tell him everything. It’s the aftermath that has Goro wrapped up in silence like a noose. Shido has him so intertwined with everything, he’d know immediately if he ever came loose, if he ever dethreaded the perfectly orchestrated plan for dominion. And it wouldn’t be just Goro’s life at stake at that point, it’d be Ren, and the Sakuras, and probably even the rest of the group by association. By infiltrating the Phantom Thieves, he’d put them all at risk if he decided to defect now.

 

By killing Ren, he can maybe spare the rest of them. He hopes, although he remains pathetically pessimistic, that Shido will be satisfied with the head of the snake.

 

Goro makes himself breathe in Ren’s scent to calm himself and stop his mental spiral, “Yeah, of course. I’ve just got a really hard case right now, it’s been difficult to nail down a suspect. I guess it’s been affecting me more than I thought it would.” He sounds confident in the elaborate lie, like he does on television, and he hopes Ren won’t comment on the similarity.

 

“You’ll figure it out. Too much of a perfectionist, I think.” Goro feels Ren tuck his bangs behind his ear and relaxes. He only has to keep this up for one more day.

 

“I suppose you’re right.” He feels a kiss on his crown and looks up at Ren.

 

His gaze has turned intense in a different sort of way, and Goro now feels heat in his gut, promising to push out the anxiety and guilt. He wants to pursue the feeling, and between the two of them, he’s always the one pushing with Ren pulling back. He gets lost in his feelings and Ren thinks he can’t stop himself, but it’s that he knows what he wants and the headspace leaves him without a doubt to take it. He stares back at Ren now, his entire being focused on him, waiting, silently egging him on to take more from him for once.

 

Ren traces his thumb gently at the corner of Goro’s lips and he thinks this is his chance. If he’s ending this boy’s life tomorrow, he’ll give him whatever he can tonight. If he can’t give Ren his honesty, he can at least do that.

 

“Ren,” he gasps and pulls his head up to close the small gap between them. He feels breathless already and grasps at the front of Ren’s shirt to pull him even closer, lips pressing insistently. He pulls up to straddle Ren’s waist, effectively leaving no space between them, and feels the boy’s hands slide up his back to his shoulder blades. He moves his own hands up to cradle Ren’s face. Ren’s hand keeps travelling upward to his hair, and he tugs lightly to get Goro to gasp. He gets his tongue in Goro’s mouth with a moan, and can’t seem to help but pull his hair back more, making Goro’s back arch and neck exposed like a puppet on strings.

 

The final nail in the coffin hits when Ren moves to mouth at his neck and whispers, “You look so good, eager like this.” Goro whines and squirms, Ren thrusting his own hips in response. They tend to stagnate at this point, edging at the precipice, but never succumbing to their whims, but Goro wants to experience that freefall- especially if this is his last night with the boy underneath him.

 

Ren is persistently nipping at his neck, so he grabs a handful of his locks to pull him back and meet his eyes. He needs Ren to know how serious he is tonight, even if he has to voice his wants through such a clouded mind.

 

Ren’s pupils are blown and his cheeks are flushed. He is sure he looks similarly, but despite this, Ren looks so composed and dangerously gorgeous. He must see something in Goro’s expression, because he releases his hold of Goro’s hair and cups his face tenderly. Ren tends to go soft to bring Goro back down after working him up (apologizing every time, yet without fail, they wind up at this moment), but Goro won’t let him have his way today. He pulls petulantly at Ren’s curls to get him to startle out a groan and leans in for another open-mouthed kiss. When they part, Goro nips at Ren’s bottom lip and feels him sigh. Unable to stay away, they press their foreheads together.

 

“I want you,” Goro says, proud of his own conviction despite arousal quickly clouding his mind.

 

Ren’s eyes widen, as if all of their previous interactions would lead to a different conclusion. But he smiles and kisses Goro chastely before moving to the sensitive spot at his ear, sucking lightly, “I’ve wanted you for...I don’t know how long now.” He kneads at the back of Goro’s neck and shoulder blades to ease the nervous tension. He runs his hands all along Goro’s back, like he can’t help himself. If they weren’t pressed so closely, he would assuredly drag the detective closer to him. 

 

“I know we could’ve done this a dozen times now, but I really. Wanted to do this right. You’re so eager to please I had to know you really wanted this too and weren’t just trying to do what I wanted.” Ren bites his jaw and a hand lifts up Goro’s shirt just enough to tease the skin of his waist. He can feel Ren everywhere and his sense are so ignited, but he needs to focus just enough to assuage Ren’s concerns.

 

He digs his fingers in dark curls and his other hand trails down Ren’s chest to rest at the seam of his pants, hoping initiation will get his point across as words are actively failing to come to him.

 

He feels so light-headed in the best possible way as he forces his eyes to open to make eye contact with Ren. His breathing is stuttering out and his chest is heaving, and he doesn’t know how to better articulate that he loves what Ren does to him and more importantly, wants more of it. He sees Ren inhale as he plays with the button of his pants and the hand at his neck moves to his cheek, thumb tracing Goro’s lips with reverence. 

 

Goro feels confident that he can keep pushing and Ren will give in and  _ take _ and so he parts his lips and takes Ren’s thumb in his mouth, sucking sedately. Ren inhales at the bold action and the fingers of his other hand knead at Goro’s side under his shirt in encouragement. Goro bobs his head in a trance before Ren is forcibly removing the digit, replacing it with his tongue.

 

They kiss urgently while Goro whines and his nails dig at Ren’s shoulder. Ren pulls away with a hiss and stares with an amazed expression, but the pause makes Goro restless. He pushes into Ren’s hands and paws at him with his own, needing more. “ _ Please _ ,” he whispers desperately.

 

Ren patiently keeps his hands steady and keeps their eyes locked, “What do you want, honey? Tell me.”

 

“I want to suck you off.”

 

Ren’s composure disappears quick upon hearing that and Goro’s pride emboldens. Ren chuckles in disbelief and shakes his head at him, “What, like I’m going to say no?” He kisses Goro deeply while his fingers reach for Goro’s collar to undo the buttons of his shirt and Goro grips at the bulge in Ren’s pants. The kiss comes to an end and Ren gives a shaky moan, hastening his work on unbuttoning Goro’s shirt while his lips touch each bit of newly revealed skin.

 

Goro can feel Ren harden under his hands and it’s exhilarating. He rests his head on Ren’s shoulder and stares at the boy’s lap, truly rendered with a one-track mind. The last bits of Goro’s shirt is unbuttoned and Ren doesn’t even bother removing the shirt entirely before he is running his hands appreciatively over the muscles of his stomach and chest while Goro shivers with enlightened nerves. 

 

In his haste to grope Goro’s bare chest, Ren had left the striped tie untouched, but it comes to his attention now, sitting pretty around Goro’s neck and swinging lightly between their bodies. He grips at it and stops it’s movement, before he tugs on it harshly. Goro gasps at the sensation and his head presses into Ren’s shoulder before he lets it slide down to Ren’s lap. His back arches as he extends his legs behind him, laying down while Ren continues to sit and look down at him. Goro breathes hotly and noses at the front of Ren’s pants while Ren places a hand at the back of Goro’s head, petting encouragingly. 

 

It’s as much a command as any, and Goro hastens to obey by getting Ren’s pants undone and pushing them and his underwear down enough to get to his dick, mouth watering at the sight of it.

 

Before he can get his mouth on it, fingers are reaching under his chin and coaxing his head up to look at Ren. His glasses have been put aside at some point, and his hair is a mess from Goro yanking on it. Goro feels as if a flame in him is rekindled at the sight of him and he is entranced. Ren’s expression is serious, “You’re sure?”

 

Goro nods deliberately, “Yes, I’m sure.” He angles his head down to kiss Ren’s hand sweetly and Ren smiles, gentle and doting like it tends to when he is praising the detective. He runs his fingers along Goro’s neck and settles underneath the collar of his shirt, resuming the kneading of his back. 

 

“Thank you for confirming with me. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have with you like this for me. You have no idea how hot you look right now. You’re so good and all mine, aren’t you?” Goro basks in his words, resting his head on one of his thigh with his eyes closed. Ren’s fingers push his shirt off to ease the tension out of his shoulders easier, rubbing his thumbs at the greatest points. Goro’s hands rest on Ren’s thighs and they both pause to observe the contrast between the black leather and the boy’s skin. Ren slowly removes the gloves one at a time, aware of their significance of Goro closing himself off from everyone around him physically and emotionally. 

 

(They had touched hands once sometime during the summer on accident. Goro had finished his coffee and Ren had moved to take the cup. Goro had hastily grabbed at the porcelain to help and their hands made contact. Ren felt as if his heart had stopped and thought about how soft Goro’s skin was for way too long while Morgana teased him for having a crush. He would have doubted Goro would remember such an incident if not for how flustered and red his face had gotten before he stumbled out of the the cafe with some flimsy excuse.)

 

Goro watches him now quietly with hooded eyes as Ren worships each of his hands to be uncoiled, placing his lips to his palms before he lays them gently back down.

 

Goro knows he could be selfish and lay pliant to Ren’s soothing touch, and the boy above him may prefer it as such, but he wants to make this about Ren- wants to make  _ him _ feel good and give his everything to  _ him _ . So he lifts his head despite the sweet heaviness and drags his hands along Ren’s bare thighs, nails digging in slightly. Ren inhales deeply in anticipation, but brushes his fingers through Goro’s hair reassuringly.

 

To say that Goro is completely out of his depth is an understatement, but he is anything if not stubborn, and the fog renders him doubtlessly determined. He wraps a delicate hand around the base and moves up slowly to get a feel of it. He’s jerked himself off, of course, but the feeling of someone else is strange, but fascinating. He stares at the head in reverence, but at the edge of his sight, Ren is trying to keep his breathing calm, and just barely succeeding.

 

He is always so considerate of Goro, almost to a fault. He wants to see Ren break his composure, to take and use him selfishly. Goro looks up through his eyelashes as he takes the crown in his mouth, his tongue moving to taste before he moves his head down to take more in. Ren groans lowly, and fists his hand in Goro’s hair, “Easy, honey, you don’t have to-” he trails off with a gasp as Goro licks with a broad stroke, closing his eyes to focus as much as he can and reveling in Ren’s pleasured pants.

 

Ren seems to gather some composure as he relaxes his hold on Goro’s hair to knead at his neck gently. “You’re doing so well, keep at it just like that, feels so good.” Goro moans around his dick at the praise and hears Ren’s head thump against the wall with a muttered, “ _ Fuck, Goro _ .”

 

Goro bobs his head mindlessly, lost in the feeling of letting himself be used for Ren’s pleasure. Another low moan escapes him at the thought and he attempts to relax his throat to take more of him in. Shido sees him as a tool and it works to his benefit, keeping the man unawares until he can strike him down at his most vulnerable, but more than playing that role, Goro wants to stay right here, between Ren’s legs for as long as he can. He doesn’t think he’s ever been free to be himself in this world, but he has never felt safer and happier than he does in this attic with Ren. He takes more and more, only feeling Ren, only hearing his voice but no longer able to discern the words, left with a constant and enchanting rumbling.

 

His own breaths so steady, the world fades away. He feels as if everything about him outside of Ren is fading away. It doesn’t matter who’s son he is, what abhorrent things he has done or what he will do. All that matters is that he is Ren’s in this moment.

 

“Mine. My good boy, all mine,” Ren murmurs, as if he could hear where Goro’s aimless thoughts were going. He entire being pulses at the words, and he tries to take even more of Ren into his mouth. He nearly gets all of him in, feeling a brush against his throat before he is choking and triggering a coughing fit. He feels his head being pulled up and back onto Ren’s lap. His eyes are watering, throat is burning, and his cheeks are flushed, but he finds Ren’s kind eyes easily for solace.

 

“Easy, hon, breathe. You’re okay.” Ren’s fingers push his bangs out of his eyes and stroke down his face. Goro pushes into it and pants audibly. “Just take a minute, it’s okay.” Goro whines and clutches the thigh underneath him, the thought of stopping even for a moment distressing. Ren runs a soothing hand down his chest, feeling his erratic heartbeat and shushing him, “Easy, Goro…”

 

Ren’s hands wander while Goro takes in gulps of air. He’s learned a few of the detective’s weak spots since they’ve been together, and he doesn’t shy away from exploiting them now to get Goro squirming and gasping. He teases his ribs by lightly tracing shapes, then travelling down to his hip bone and pressing his thumb there hard, as if to bruise.

 

The reaction is instant. Goro jolts as if shocked and gives a loud moan. Ren smirks and Goro bites his thigh in retaliation.

 

“Ow. I deserved that, I guess.” Ren’s smirk softens as Goro kisses and licks at the bite mark. He still can’t help but rub at the sensitive spot at his hip, Goro groaning under his breath while fixating on Ren’s thigh. He tries to move back to Ren’s hard dick to take him back in his mouth, but Ren pushes at his shoulder to get him to eye level with him. “Come here,” he whispers and Goro follows easily.

 

Ren frames Goro’s face with his hands and kisses him fervidly. Goro is surprised, given where his mouth has been, but Ren doesn’t seem perturbed as his tongue persists alongside his own. He feels Ren’s arms encircle his waist and pull him into his lap and he reaches his own arms around Ren’s neck. There is a dulled sense of irritation that he is no longer able to suck Ren off, and he lets the boy know by grinding down pointedly. Ren pulls away from their kiss with a breathless laugh before pecking Goro’s nose, “I want you up here with me, sweet boy.”

 

Fine.

 

Ren places a kiss at Goro’s neck and he angles his head back for him. Ren slips off the tie they both forgot about and throws it, smirking before his teeth graze at his pulse, “Can I leave a mark here? Only fair since you bit me first.”

 

Goro opens his eyes at the question and realizes he is at direct eyesight with Ren. He has given himself completely to this boy, and he is still so considerate of him. Gray eyes look at him so earnestly and it dawns on him that  _ Ren is Goro’s too _ . His to kiss, to pleasure, to hold, to talk with, laugh with…

 

His to kill. The fog dissipates for but a moment at the thought and he stares at Ren’s forehead to avoid eye contact with the other. He can feel his concern through the hands squeezing at his waist, but he doesn’t look away from his forehead. He thinks that tomorrow, he will put the barrel of his gun right there. It’s close, intimate. At the very least, Ren deserves more than a literal back stabbing. No, he will show his true intentions, and before Ren can say anything to make him doubt himself, Goro will pull the trigger. Send the bullet through right there.

 

He brings himself back to this current moment in the attic, Ren rubbing reassuring circles to his lower back and patiently waiting for Goro to sort himself out. Goro tilts his head up and places his lips at the spot he has just picked out. He tries to express all that he can’t in the action, all of his regrets, his gratitude, his wishes for what could have been. He pulls away and meets Ren’s eyes with a smile and a nod, finally answering his question with a whispered, “ _ Please. _ ”

 

Ren moves his hands up his back in an embrace, “Are you okay?”

 

Goro nods again easily and Ren looks skeptical, but he doesn’t say anything more. He mimics Goro by placing a kiss on his forehead as well before travelling down his face, dropping kisses on his brow, the corner of his eye, his cheek, underneath his jaw, continuing down his neck. Goro revels the worship with sighs, letting the fog creep back in on him as he leans back in Ren’s arms, knowing he will be supported. Ren, ever attentive to the boy in his lap, squeezes his sides ardently. He stops his path closer to Goro’s collarbone and noses it decisively, “Here. You can hide it better here.”

 

Goro waits with bated breath. Despite their fooling around, Ren’s never left a mark on him. The thought of it, the possessive aspect of it, is thrilling. Ren kisses the spot wetly first before biting hard and Goro keens. His sounds are drawn out as Ren continues to suck at the mark and he twists his fingers in the dark curls. While he is distracted, Ren tips him back and rests him against the sheets. He moves to cup Goro’s face and kisses him deeply, leaving Goro pliant under him.

 

They part and Ren hastens to kick his pants the rest of the way off, eyes not leaving Goro’s face. Goro very helpfully runs his fingers under Ren’s shirt, feeling the muscles that have developed from running around the Metaverse. He startles when Ren reaches for his belt to undo it, but relaxes as their mouths reconnect. The belt goes flying somewhere and makes a thud. Ren instructs Goro to lift his hips and slips both layers off to leave him naked. He attempts with clumsy hands to get Ren’s shirt off, but he pauses when he feels Ren grab his wrists and pull them away. He looks up at his quizzically.

 

Ren looks a bit sheepish in response as he lays Goro’s arms down. He leans down to peck his cheek to assuage the confusion before muttering, “There’s no doubt that you looked gorgeous getting me off, and I will definitely want to revisit that at some point, but I want to spoil you tonight, focus on you.”

 

Goro turns his face towards Ren and their noses brush against each other. The desire to kiss him again is there, but he wants to respond to him first, even if it is growing exceedingly trying to do so in this state, “I wanted-” he nudges his head up at Ren, “For you.”

 

Ren chuckles and presses his lips to Goro’s, mumbling in between kisses, “Aren’t we a pair? Here, I’ve got an idea- a compromise.”

 

Goro interrupts him however by reaching for Ren’s shirt, “Off.” 

 

Ren pulls away and sits back, grin growing smug. He starts the act of removing the clothing, but stops teasingly, “What, is my boy shy being the only one naked?”

 

Goro can’t help the shiver that passes through him and he looks away. He hadn’t even thought about that, but it’s there, incredibly blatant now that he is lying in the middle of Ren’s bed completely exposed. He crosses his arms feebly and goose bumps rise on the skin of his forearms. 

 

Ren traces his heated cheeks with the back of his hand, “Aww, honey. You are shy? No need for that, you’re so gorgeous. I love having you like this for me.” He makes it a point to throw his shirt aside to leave him just as bare before he takes Goro’s arms, kissing his wrists before holding them down over his head. He lets his eyes marvel at the boy below him, who’s breathing has gotten more erratic at the vulnerable position. Goro turns his face away timidly, and Ren lavishes at his exposed neck, reveling in the sounds escaping Goro’s lips. He leaves one hand pinning his wrists to trail the other down Goro’s chest. He connects their mouths once more as he toys with one of Goro’s nipples, swallowing a high pitched moan.

 

Goro’s body is arching into Ren’s steady exploration and he squirms in his hold. He’s not too securely placed, but the fact that this is where Ren wants him keeps him compliant, despite how sweetly torturous it feels to be at his mercy. Ren moves down and resumes his worshipping kisses, finding all of the imperfections and blemishes normally hidden away. He discovers freckles here and there, and lingers on a small scar on his pectoral, another near his ribcage. Now that Ren can look this closely, there seems to be handful of old wounds. He makes it a mission to not miss a single one.

 

“Were you a clumsy kid?” He asks, and Goro nods in false affirmation. It wouldn’t match with his story to tell Ren that he had a rough time handling shadows when he first got his persona at fourteen. Plus when he thinks about it, there is bound to be one or two scars from skirmishes with other kids from the orphanage.

 

Ren’s mouth finds his favorite sensitive spot on Goro, his hip bone, and he bites down. Goro’s body tenses and shakes with arousal, biting down a shaky moan. Ren stares at him as he licks soothingly at the new mark before he says, “Look at me.” Goro unclenches his eyes and makes eye contact, heartbeat palpitating. “You don’t have to try to keep quiet. There’s no one in the building with us, it’s just you and me. I like your voice and the sounds you make.” Goro must look wary because Ren moves back up and places a kiss to his temple, whispering in his ear, “Let me hear you.” Goro sighs out a breath as he feels Ren’s voice resonating in his bones, his body sagging.

 

Ren’s lips roam from Goro’s jawline back down his neck and Goro allows his moans to increase in volume. As if spurred on by his reactions, Ren’s hand caresses his chest with fervor, teasing all of his sensitive spots but never lingering anywhere. Goro feels as if his entire chest is aflame as he can hardly keep track of everywhere he is being touched between Ren’s hands and his mouth. He can’t help but lie back and just take it all, feeble to Ren’s whims.

 

A particularly loud keen slips from Goro’s throat when Ren’s hand travels lower and wraps itself around Goro’s length. He throws his head back with his eyes closed with broken whimpers as Ren jerks him slowly, his head coming back up to rest against Goro’s temple.

 

“I’ve got you. My sweet boy,” he purrs in Goro’s ear, quickening his pace and running his thumb over the tip. Goro feels as if he’s been on the edge for far too long, and Ren is now threatening to push him off. He murmurs a string of praises and his motions become slicker, Goro’s chest heaving with fast breaths and a litany of whines.

 

“Ren…” Goro squirms and twists his wrists, but Ren’s grip is firm. He’s so close to coming already, and he tries to warn the boy above him as such. He wanted more for this night than just laying pliantly while Ren takes care of him, selfishness and subsequent guilt pressing on the back of his mind, but Ren’s touch is relentless. With a long drag and a twist of the wrist, Goro falls apart with a sharp cry. His body tenses and his back arches before the release lets him back down, body quivering. He takes in gasps of air while Ren presses his lips to his cheek reassuringly.

 

“I’m sorry, honey, sorry. That wasn’t my plan, I know I talked about a compromise,” a kiss under his jaw and he takes in another shaky breath. Ren pants in his ear, “You’re so amazing, so gorgeous I just couldn’t resist.” The combination of praise, gentle kisses to his face, and Ren rubbing his wrists soothingly send tremors from head to toe as Goro tries to recover. He is still being held so delicately in Ren’s compelling control, and despite having come undone, he knows Ren is not through with him yet. Maybe now that he’s come, Ren will use Goro to indulge in his own pleasure the way Goro wanted from the beginning. 

 

Ren hasn’t made any further movements, though, so he rasps out, “Let me...my mouth…” he trails off. Ren squeezes his wrists in response, pressing his lips to Goro’s own.

 

“Now there’s a compromise,” Ren smirks before kissing gently, “You’re sure? You don’t have to.”

 

Goro answers with a small nod, “Want to.”

 

“Then I won’t deny you,” Ren releases Goro’s wrists and moves to sit up properly, Goro following as if they are tethered together. He smiles and kisses him once more, murmuring against his lips, “It won’t take much, as a warning.” Goro nods, and Ren moves to nose at his reddening cheeks, “So sweet, so perfect…” Goro feels Ren’s hand in his hair, pulling insistently, and he focuses enough to lean down and get Ren’s dick back in his mouth. The boy above him moans brokenly immediately, providing evidence to his previous statement, and Goro enthusiastically tongues at the shaft before pressing against the slit. His nails dig into Ren’s  thighs and Ren brushes his bangs out of his face for him, caressing him adoringly.

 

Soon, Ren’s words cease to be coherent, and he’s pushing at Goro to articulate that he is quickly reaching his limit. Goro pulls away reluctantly and moves a hand up to replace his mouth. He jerks Ren at a fast pace, and their lips are barely reconnecting before Ren is coming with a gasp. They lean their foreheads against each other, breathing and taking in the moment before time resumes once more. Ren gently guides Goro’s hand off of him and onto the bed sheets to wipe it clean.

 

He plants a kiss to Goro’s brow before getting up, “I’m going to grab a rag and some water, I’ll be right back.” Goro nods in a daze and waits patiently. He notes idly that his jaw is a bit sore and he presses his fingers against the bite marks Ren left at his collar and waist, grounding himself in the ache that it is causing. Ren returns swiftly and presses the glass of water into his hands, watching expectantly as he drinks from it. The attic slowly comes back into his awareness, as do the noises of the bustling street out Ren’s window and the admission that tomorrow is the end of all things good in Goro’s life.

 

Like the man before him, throwing the used rag aside and kneading at Goro’s wrists with a soft smile on his face. Goro stares at that smile and how it fades to a frown as he looks back at him. He traces a thumb under Goro’s eye, catching the wetness that has developed unbeknownst to him. 

 

“Oh,” Goro says simply instead of verbalizing how he cannot believe his is actually tearing up after sex. Extenuating circumstances aside, this is embarrassing and he has to look away as more tears form.

 

“Hey,” Goro moves past the shame to look back at Ren, “That was a lot, huh?” He gives him a nod, and Ren mimics it back as he cups his face with both hands, “It’s okay. You’re amazing. I’m happy with what happened. Are you okay with what just happened? Did anything bother you or upset you?”

 

Ren looks so concerned but also relaxed and content. Goro himself feels more at ease than he expected to be the night before their big heist, but his heart feels heavy acknowledging what it will escalate to, “No, everything was fine.” He smiles at Ren and feels the pain in its authenticity, “It was good. I feel good.”

 

Ren’s expression is relieved of concern, “I’m glad. Sleep now?”

 

Enthusiastic to be encompassed in Ren’s arms, Goro responds, “Yes. Please. Oh,” he interrupts Ren’s move to recline, “Do you have...a hoodie or something I could borrow?” 

 

Ren glances down and seems to remember their naked state and exclaims, “Oh! Yes I do. Hang on,” he gets up and pulls out a gray hoodie from the box next to the TV, handing it over, “This okay?”

 

Goro marvels at the softness of it before slipping it on. It smells like its owner and it comforts him an absurd amount. Ren crawls back into bed with boxers on, pulling the covers back and getting comfortable on his back. Once he is settled, he looks up at Goro with an arm extended, “It’s cuddle time.”

 

Goro chuckles despite himself (“Yes, dear”) and lays down curled against the other, and Ren immediately throws his other arm around him. They nestle closely, Ren pecking the tip of Goro’s nose. “You’re blushing,” he points out needlessly and Goro groans in exasperation, “Leave me alone.” Ren giggles, “But it’s cute, I love it.” “Stop.” Their bickering and flirtations fade into whispers, spending time retelling memories and stories without urgency. Their exhaustion is apparent, but the desire to share this small space between the two of them presses on. Until Goro drifts to sleep first, Ren’s steady voice calming in his ears, and his arms providing sanctuary around him.

 

Tomorrow brings a fight. A treasure nearly stolen. Police sirens and drug-induced hazy memories. It all goes as planned, but fate favors one Fool over the other.

 

Goro returns to his desolate home with blank eyes and a quiet mind to match, heading straight to bed despite the setting sun tinting the room orange. A pillow lays vertically and he stares at it, loneliness creeping on his heart with a rekindled strength. He indulged despite knowing that he’d end up back here in a life of solitude paved by the dead, so he takes a deep breath and lies down against the pillow, thinking of a boy’s smile and his warm embrace.

 

As darkness descends upon the room, Goro hopes for the day that he will think that it had been worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is akira POV and involves tackling the difficultly of the healing process after you convince your murder bf to say fuck you dad and run away with you :> will update the tags once that gets posted. thank you for reading!!


	2. I'd be home with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday Goro!! I give you the gift of a happy ending. I'm losing sleep staying up too late to post this but it's honestly worth it.
> 
> So this chapter is in Akira's POV, which I was nervous about, but I think I got the hang of it. Let me know what you think of his characterization for sure! Any critiques/suggestions are helpful!
> 
> Also sorry this ended up being almost 19k?? I'm overwhelmed about it myself LOL I thought about making the ending longer but I honestly kind of wanted to wrap this up what with Goro's birthday and all. Anyway! Please Enjoy!

He almost lost him.

 

It’s all Ren can think as he stares at the boy on the bed, pale and fragile. The eyebags are more pronounced, despite the fact that he’s been unconscious for hours now. It seems like a restless sleep for him anyway.

 

Ren removes his glasses and wipes a hand down his face. His phone tells him it’s two in the morning now; Morgana left to go back to Leblanc a while ago, knowing he couldn’t convince Ren to come back with Goro in this condition.

 

If they had said one wrong thing, if the cognition of Akechi had shot any closer to Goro’s heart, if Goro had not missed when he shot at the door to cut them off…

 

He almost  _ lost _ him.

 

Ren reaches over and grasps Goro’s hand to quell his anxiety. He rubs his thumb along his wrist, feeling his pulse beat. The machine next to the bed beeps steadily. Ren lets the sounds resonate in his ears, feeling with his senses that Goro is alive, they did save him.

 

The cognition managed to hit Goro’s lower stomach, and by the time they got out of the Metaverse, Goro felt like dead weight in his arms, blood seeping into the grass beneath them. Makoto was the one to spring him back into action, asking him gently where they can take Goro to be treated. Takemi came in to mind and Futaba had called Sojiro to pick them up.

 

When they walked in the clinic, Ryuji throwing the door open, followed by Ren carrying in Goro while the others peeked through behind him, Takemi zeroed in on the wound and rushed them to the exam room.

 

The girls and Yusuke headed home after the sun had set and Ren doesn’t know how long he had stared at the tile floor, waiting, while Ryuji sat at his side with his arm slung around him and Morgana purring reassuringly in his lap.

 

When Takemi came out to give the diagnosis, he couldn’t hear past his heart beating in his ears. Even after Takemi had uttered “he’ll be okay,” he couldn’t discern the words coming out of her lips. He looked at Ryuji uselessly and saw the boy smiling and nodding, and Ren’s body sagged with relief.

 

Two weeks hospitalization at least. Ryuji explained for him that they couldn’t take Goro to a public hospital,  _ people were looking for him _ , is all he said. Takemi stared them down with scrutinizing eyes, but one look at Ren and she seemed to give up. She gave the order for the boys to go home, but didn’t protest when Ren moved to the exam room instead.

 

And so he’s been sitting here, trying to come to terms that things worked out okay. That he almost lost him,  _ but he didn’t. _

 

“Guinea pig.”

 

Ren looks away from Goro’s face to the doctor standing at the doorway. She looks just as exhausted as he feels. She had done fast and meticulous work and he is so grateful to her, but he worries about the strain and potential danger he has put her in. They’ll have to make fast work on changing Shido’s heart, he thinks, jaw clenching as the list of all that is at stake continues to grow. He squeezes Goro’s hand.

 

“He’s stabilized. Nothing’s going to happen if you leave to get some rest.” Ren looks back at Goro, very much not making any movements. “I’ll be here to keep an eye on him, and I’ll text you if anything at all changes. You need sleep as well if you’re going to continue your mission.”

 

“If you don’t mind, Doctor, I think I’ll stay right here.”

 

He can feel her eyes on his hand clutching Goro’s, the burning question,  _ who is he to you _ hanging unspoken in the air. It’s been hanging there, floating all around him since Goro joined the Phantom Thieves and Igor questioned his intentions. Since he was choosing to spend time alone with him in the weeks leading up to the infiltration of Sae’s palace, his friends giving him looks riddled with confusion and worry. Since those expressions further prodded at him after Goro’s foreseen betrayal and his own subsequent isolation, wearing the damn gray hoodie he had lent to Goro the night before and moping around as if he hadn’t planned everything out personally.

 

The expressions from earlier today are burning in his mind now, staring him down as he had held Goro desperately, kissing his forehead absently.

 

Ren thumbs at each of Goro’s fingers. There’s no denying that he feels for him, he was intrigued by him right from the start. When the truth was revealed, he had felt it so personally, like a searing cut from a blade. He hid it from everybody, he knew what he had to do and he wouldn’t hesitate, but he couldn’t help but pick at the wound, let it infect and fester. And that’s exactly what happened. He spent time with Goro, saw something genuine beneath all the lies and deception and couldn’t leave it alone. He kept digging, couldn’t get enough of what Goro had hidden away, but there was only so much he could take forcefully. 

 

And he didn’t do enough in time for Goro to willingly give him the key. He looks at the pallid face beside him and vows to not miss that chance again.

 

Takemi sighs and the sound pulls Ren out of his thoughts, “Let me get you a pillow. You  _ will _ be sleeping tonight.”

 

He nods his thanks, watching her leave the room briefly before scooting his chair closer to the bed.

 

Over the course of their short-lived relationship, tensions were high, and it was evident they were both stressed about what was to come of the casino. Ironically, it felt like the only solace they had was with each other. Now as Takemi drops a small pillow on his head and walks away, even under such dire circumstances, Ren feels a calm returning to him as he lays his head down next to Goro, taking comfort in registering the boy’s body warmth.

 

 

He wakes up a few hours later, sensing the unusual stillness exerting from Goro, and sits up, wary eyes meeting. He notes that Goro is aware of his wound by the hand placed above it, but his unsureness of his environment makes him defensive. Ren slowly moves back to give him space, arms up in a placating gesture.

 

“You’re in a medical clinic. We brought you here from the palace. The cognition shot you, but you’ll be okay, it will heal in about two weeks. You just need to rest.” He looks to the door and wonders if Takemi has made her appearance known. As a precaution, “There’s only one person, a doctor here. She knows about us, she’s helped me. She’s safe.”

 

Goro is quiet as he takes in Ren’s words, brow furrowing as he is no doubt looking back on what occurred himself. It all happened very quickly, and in a haze of raw emotions. He had never seen such pure anger and hurt as he had from Goro that day, and he felt a soreness in his chest remembering Goro’s words and the looks on his face.

 

The hatred and jealousy, most obviously. But a turmoil creeping in, and a begrudging resignation settling over him.

 

He looks calm now, if not dazed. Takemi’s pain medication works wonders, but Ren speculates that Goro’s overexertion of Loki has a factor as well.

 

“Did anybody…” Goro trails off, a pained look on his face, and Ren recalls why Goro had tried to shut the door on them in the first place.

 

_ “I’m gonna weigh you down,” _ he had murmured, body growing heavier in Ren’s arms as he was dragging him away, Ryuji and Ann shielding them. Goro had thought it was impossible for all of them to escape with Shido’s cognitive Akechi on their tail, not without a sacrifice, but it wasn’t the first miracle they have pulled off. They’re practically masters at it now.

 

“No, no, we were just fine.” Goro relaxes immediately, then seems to feel sheepish about his reaction. “The cognition is not nearly as resilient as you are,” Ren jokes, but Goro doesn’t respond. He stares down at his hands, as if still stuck dwelling on the night before.

 

Ren imagines Goro has been stuck dwelling for too long.

 

“Why? Why did you help me? It would’ve been easier for you if-”

 

“We weren’t going to leave you, we didn’t  _ want _ to leave you,” Ren interrupts. It took the panic so long to leave his system, for his heart to settle and realize that they got Goro to safety, that he’s going to be  _ okay _ , he doesn’t think he can stand him suggesting anything different. He takes a breath and lowers his voice, “Think back on what we said. All of us. We want you by our side.”

 

“But what I’ve done-”

 

“Doesn’t condemn you to death.” Ren sighs, “It’s all...a lot more complicated and messy and  _ gray _ . But we don’t want you to die.” Ren stares at Goro, who refuses to look back. His heart sinks, “You weren’t planning on living much longer, were you?”

 

Goro doesn’t respond for a minute and the silence is oppressive. Finally he huffs and looks at him with his mouth in a thin line, “Do you really want me to answer?”

 

_ No. _

 

“Yes. Yes, I want you to answer me. I want you to speak honestly. That’s the only way we’re going to get anywhere now. This is the first step to…”

 

What? Rehabilitation?

 

Ren doesn’t finish his sentence, but Goro’s face softens. If anything, he can depend on Goro’s affections working in his favor. Most of the time, anyway.

 

“When I think about the future, it’s always in the immediate sense. And I certainly never thought of any plans past ruining Shido’s reputation.” Goro shrugs without enthusiasm, “I dug myself too deep of a hole to think I could have any semblance of a life afterwards. Better to die with at least some freedom, I suppose.”

 

“Did you ever think of pulling away? Quitting while you were ahead?”

 

A rueful smile, “For a long time, I couldn’t imagine doing anything else with my life. I spent so long hearing adults tell me how worthless I am. How little I matter.” Goro’s face hardens, “It was all because of him. He left my mom with nothing, and I was left with all of her resentment. She left this world because of how much I burdened her and... Well. I was given the chance to make amends for it. I felt like I was finally given a purpose. Nothing else mattered as long as I could do this  _ one thing _ .”

 

“The psychotic breaks?”

 

Goro nods, “I knew I could manipulate shadows. He’s the one who showed me I could destroy them. Isshiki was the first.” He hangs his head and his hair obscures his face. Ren clenches his fists so he doesn’t reach out to touch him. It’s not what he needs right now. “Once. After that,” Goro continues. “I thought about leaving. Nearly did. I called him out, ‘you didn’t tell me that’s what would happen…’” He trails off, fist beating rhythmically into the palm of his other hand. Ren gets the picture, and feels sick.

 

“I had to be very careful with what I did from then on. I got smarter, I figured him out, tested his limits. I couldn’t turn back, but I could make sure I saw through it to the end, and in the meantime I could make him dance on puppet strings like he thought he had me.” He smirked, “That cognition is just proof that I had him fooled. It became a sick game to see what I could get away with, since I was  _ oh so loyal _ to him. The bastard had me on loan to his allies whenever they wanted someone dead. Sometimes I could avoid it. Other times I turned it around in my favor, used it to build up my own reputation.” He grimaces, but he pulls himself through it. He owns up to it, at least, and doesn’t glorify it. That doesn’t make Ren’s stomach churn any less.

 

He looks directly at Ren, “You, I couldn’t avoid killing, obviously. But I managed to buy time for the others.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“That’s not why I’m telling you this.”

 

“I know. You’re still amazing.”

 

Goro frowns, but ignores the compliment, “I knew how much they meant to you. And since I’m being so honest...they meant something to me too. A possibility for friendship, I guess. I couldn’t allow myself to pursue it, but the thought was nice.”

 

“But with me…”

 

Goro’s sigh is troubled but his smile is small and soft, “You kept pushing.”

 

Ren can’t help but laugh despite everything, “Don’t blame it all on me.”

 

They let the moment hang for a moment before Goro’s eyebrows pinch, “Did you know too? That’s how you got away, right? You knew I was going to kill you?” Ren nods solemnly, “Then I really don’t understand.”

 

It was a weird, complex time. Ren couldn’t risk much, but he couldn’t help but try anyway, despite knowing he’d be lying to Goro. He justified it by focusing on the fact that Goro was lying to him just as severely, but it still left him with a pit in his stomach every day. He thought it’d be enough to get Goro on their side if he pursued whatever weird... _ thing _ that was hanging in between them, but when they had left to face against Sae’s shadow that day, he had known he had failed. He had dwelled on not only his defeat, but the loss of someone so strangely special to him, despite everything.

 

He looks at Goro and can’t bring himself to say any of that. He knows Goro will only focus on the fact that Ren was somewhat using his feelings against him, and doesn’t want to betray the fragile trust that they have just begun constructing.

 

He leans back in feigned relaxation, “Really? You don’t have any idea?” He wiggles his eyebrows to tie up his projected mood all together and Goro takes the bait, his head and chest shaking with suppressed laughter.

 

“Then I don’t need to explain myself either.”

 

Goro’s smile is so sweet and earnest, and Ren knows he owes him something, a portion of the truth in the least, “I’m sorry. I wanted to say something, I did. I wanted to be someone you trusted more than Shido.” He shrugs, “We actually didn’t know that much about your plan. I couldn’t act rashly. I wanted to help you, I just didn’t know how.”

 

Goro sits quietly, letting the words sink in, “I don’t think it would have worked anyhow. This is all, as you said, very complicated, and I am...deeply intertwined in Shido’s schemes. There’s not anything I can do now. With this too,” he gestures to the bullet wound, “I can’t be of any help to you in the Metaverse.”

 

Ren dares to hold Goro’s hand, “We’ve got him on the ropes now.”

 

Goro stares at their intertwined hands, that soft smile returning. Ren’s heart beats in his ears. “Then let’s make a deal. You won’t say no, will you?”

 

Feeling brave, Ren raises Goro’s hand and presses his lips against it. He hears a new voice in his mind introduce itself,  _ Metatron _ , and he swears to take vengeance for the both of them. He looks back up to find Goro easing back in the bed with a grimace, his eyes drooping.

 

“What time is it?” He mumbles.

 

“Early. People might be just leaving for school,” Ren answers.

 

“Not you?”

 

“Still dead.”

 

“Ah. What will you do, then?” Fully reclined now, Goro looks up at him. Ren can still hardly believe he’s here, they’re both here and somehow okay. Or at least approaching the concept of okay.

 

“I have nowhere to be,” and because of all of the honesty, “I want to stay here.”

 

Goro looks troubled, “With me. I don’t deserve…”

 

Ren sighs and moves a hand to brush away Goro’s bangs, “I’m sorry, but it’s not up to you to decide how people feel about you. I…” ...Not love. It hasn’t been long enough, and there’s too much mess involved. But the potential is there, and that’s something. “I was upset with you. I’m in the process of forgiving you. But I care for you and I’m going to be here for you in any way I can. You said you saw the others as an opportunity for friendship? So do they. It’s hard, it’s going to be hard, but you deserve to have people who care about you, and we want to be those people.”

 

“Even Okumura and Sakura?”

 

Ren hesitates, “Yeah, I can’t speak for them. That’ll be even harder. But if you’re determined, and do mean to make amends, it has to count for something.”

 

Goro stares at the ceiling, “It won’t mean anything if I do it for their approval. I have to do it for my own peace of mind. They might never come around anyway.” His eyes close. “I do want to make amends. For me.” Ren cups his cheek, and Goro nuzzles his arm. “If you intend to stay here…”

 

He makes an aborted move to scoot over and hisses. Ren reaches up in a panic, inadvertently getting one leg up next to him.

 

“Easy, easy,” he soothes, making himself fit alongside Goro. Goro lays a hand over Ren’s chest, and they both breathe a sigh of relief.

 

“I don’t know how I’m going to...do any of this. I never thought I had anybody to rely on. Anybody to live for besides myself and a ghost of a woman I hardly knew. I still think I’ve done too much to be able to just walk away.” Slumber is quickly approaching him and it makes him seem relaxed, but his words indicate anxiety and a new problem arises.

 

Certainly Shido deserves a sentencing, but does Goro? He’s implying that it will be inevitable anyhow. Ren feels a phantom pain in his temples, reminiscent of when he was drugged by the arresting officers, and winces. He’d be perfectly happy to never deal with law enforcement in that matter again, and knows that Goro would be much worse off.

 

“I’ll protect you,” he says brashly, the amends, “We’ll think of something. We’ll talk to Sae. Maybe she can work out a probation or something.” 

 

“Probation,” Goro’s eyes are closed and he’s nearly out again. He huffs, “Funny.”

 

Ren kisses his brow, “Give me time. Maybe things will work out. I want to see you have the opportunity to heal, to pick yourself up. Make positive changes and improve yourself. You’re so strong, I know you can do it. Just give me time to get you that chance.”

 

“Don’t martyr yourself to do it.”

 

“Let me worry about that.”

 

“No, you’re not getting away with that with me,” Goro forces his eyes open to look at him and shifts irritably, “Don’t test me, I got shot for you.”

 

“Yeah, so you have no room to talk,” Ren glances at the wound nervously and shifts his focus to placating him, “Let’s just both agree to have more self preservation from now on, yeah?”

 

There’s a pause and Ren thinks Goro has fallen asleep before he hears a grumbled, “Fine.”

 

Ren chuckles, “Go to sleep.”

 

There’s more grumbling and Ren gets as settled in as much as he can, balanced precariously  on his side between the edge of the bed and Goro laying on his back. He pillows his own head on one arm, the other cupping Goro’s face loosely. Goro’s arms rest delicately above his wound, a hand placed as if reaching out to Ren but not making contact. There’s time now to improve on things. Ren’s lower back certainly appreciates the improvement in his body’s position, a soreness persistently making itself known.

 

Because Goro can’t seem to let Ren have the last word, he mumbles, “Missed you.”

 

Ren’s heart swells anyway, “Missed you too.”

 

* * *

 

Shido’s heart changes, but public opinion does not. The group stews in anticipation and confusion, but no changes are made. Sae insists she is building a case for Shido’s arrest, and that there is nothing more the Phantom Thieves can do, but the anxiety persists.

 

Aside from that, Ren returns to school and visits Goro at the clinic during his downtime. Every time, he tries to tell Ren that he doesn’t have to come, and every time, Ren smiles sweetly and shoves more of whatever snack he has brought in Goro’s mouth.

 

Despite his friends texting asking to see him, he spends nearly every evening with Goro. He’s there for most of the updates Takemi has to give, when she tells him his wound is healing up quite nicely. He’s there when Sae comes to see him for the first time since the truth was revealed, and he tries to leave, but Goro clutches his hand so fiercely that he can’t bring himself to. 

 

The encounter starts with a long, pregnant silence; Ren darting his eyes to all of the medical charts on the walls without purpose. Sae stares Goro down with hard eyes, but he looks back with defiance.

 

“Explain your involvement with Shido’s activities,” Sae begins with a professional tone, and Ren winces. He looks down at his shoes, feeling guilty, though the command isn’t even addressed to him.

 

“I destroyed the cognitive selves of people in his way, people who would expose him or ruin his plans,” Goro answers just as impersonally. His grip on Ren’s hand tightens, however.

 

“He would ask you to do these things?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“How long were you doing this for him?”

 

“I first got into contact with him at fifteen.”

 

Sae’s eyebrows knit and she looks off to the side hearing the response.  _ Too young _ , she must be thinking, as if they all aren’t too young to be involved with any of this. Futaba is fifteen years old  _ now _ . At least they have each other to lean on, while Goro’s main ally was equivalent to the weakest of foundations, ready to give up on you and leave you falling at the first hint of pressure.

 

“You were assassinating people at fifteen?” Sae asks for confirmation.

 

“Indirectly,” Goro murmurs, like it softens the harsh reality, “I’ve never killed anyone point blank.  Right?” He addresses Ren. They both remember the guard Goro had seemed to shoot so easily, but he had been a cognition as well.

 

Sae’s arms cross after observing Goro’s barely contained relief when Ren confirms his statement. “You were pressured into it? Threatened?”

 

Goro doesn’t respond, breaking eye contact with both of them. Ren remembers his fist pounding into his own hand and squeezes the one he is holding encouragingly. He understands not wanting to come across as making excuses, people’s trust ever so fleeting, but the truth has to come out in order for Shido to be prosecuted.

 

_ Even if it results in Goro’s own arrest? _ Ren breathes deeply to quell his anxieties. He’s trying to be as uninvolved as possible, give them as much privacy as he can.

 

Goro nods, but Sae persists, “I understand it might be difficult, but I need details.”

 

“Threats. Verbal. Physical.” Goro spits the words out quickly, jaw clenched and eyes distant. Ren strokes his thumb along his hand to keep him present and Goro inhales sharply and his tone resumes a semblance of normalcy, “Monetarily as well. He pays for my housing and schooling.”

 

“Is there a paper trail on that?”

 

“Doubtful. The money’s dirty.” Goro turns back to Sae and tilts his head, “How much physical evidence do you have on him, really?” Sae’s mouth is in a thin line and she doesn’t speak. “You’re not going to have anything on him without me. You need me in that courtroom.”

 

Sae sags and sits on the edge of the bed. If she notices Goro tensing, she doesn’t react to it outwardly, “Unfortunately, yes, it looks that way. I’d hate to ask you, given the circumstances, but I wouldn’t if I had another choice.”

 

“Really? Even though I’ve committed crimes as well, you don’t feel the need for me to receive justice?” Goro’s tone is growing harsher, body coiled like an animal ready to defend itself.

 

Sae doesn’t shrink away, “The way our justice system is now, it’d only do more harm than good. You deserve an alternative, a way to make amends without leaving you devoid of a future.”

 

“You put me in that courtroom and that will not happen,” he growls.

 

“I know. Can I ask you to trust me to work something out?” She makes an aborted move to reach out to him, hand lying awkwardly between them instead.

 

“You can’t. Just…” he rubs at his temple and his voice grows fatigued, “Focus on arresting Shido, please. Doesn’t matter what happens to me.”

 

“Yes, it does,” she argues.

 

“Yeah, well, we all want to see him in prison. Let’s get that to happen shall we?” He smiles ruefully. “I’ll be your witness. Maybe I’ll get resolution knowing I’m the one who put him behind bars.”

 

Sae sighs like she just lost a fight. Ren feels similarly, and Goro looks like he’s lost a war. He leans back, moving to lay down, “I’m tired.”

 

“I’ll leave you to rest,” Sae stands up, but pauses, “I am relieved to know that you are okay, whether you choose to believe so or not.” She leaves, not expecting an answer, and once the door closes, Goro breathes out shakily.

 

Ren gives him a minute before he asks, “What do you need from me?”

 

Goro curls on his good side, facing him, “Please stay.”

 

Ren nods and moves to sit on the bed, and Goro adjusts himself so that he is laying in his lap. Ren goes for his hair immediately, running his fingers through it soothingly. After a long stretch of silence, Goro’s body remains tense.

 

Ren decides to try something. It’s been a while since he’s guided Goro into a headspace, and wonders if it’d be welcome now. He places a firm hand on the back of Goro’s neck and repeats, “What do you need?”

 

Goro inhales sharply and looks up at him with wide eyes. They’re trusting in the exact opposite way they were with Sae in the room, and the back of Ren’s hand strokes his cheek. Goro leans into it and Ren whispers, “Tell me.”

 

Goro swallows before speaking, “I need  _ it _ . To not...think. There’s a lot that going to happen soon. I don’t want to dwell on it, I want to feel something else besides this apprehension. I want to be able to be relaxed. With you.”

 

Ren smiles gently, “Okay, honey.” He guides Goro’s head to rest back in his lap. “Close your eyes. Breathe with me.” 

 

Ren counts aloud, Goro’s breathing growing slower and deeper while his body gets heavier. Ren squeezes at the back of his neck before kneading at it, “Good boy, relaxing so well for me. Gotta get you feeling better, huh? I don’t want you to move or make a sound, okay? You’re going to stay right here for me.” He moves a hand lower, digging into the tenseness of his shoulders while Goro sighs. The fingers of his other hand move aimlessly all over his body, teasing the boy’s heightened nerves.

 

He’s mindful of the bullet wound, but traces a path from his hip to the back of his thighs, and Goro jumps at the sensation. “Shhh, easy,” Ren soothes, “Stay still for me.” He waits until Goro settles once more, tension easing out before he moves again, tracing shapeless pictures into Goro’s skin, “Good, just like that. You’re doing so well.”

 

He continues long after Goro falls asleep, and stays even when the moonlight peers through the window, waking up Goro so that he can lay down beside him. He curls up immediately in his arms, face buried in his neck, and Ren resumes running his hands along his back. It takes him longer still to get to sleep, playing back Sae and Goro’s conversation in his head over and over. 

 

There has to be another way. 

 

 

He’s there when Futaba decides to come by all on her own, when she looks right at Goro and declares, as if reciting a thoroughly practiced speech, “It’s not okay what happened. It will always be on my mind and it will always affect me. But you know what that’s like, don’t you? There are other people at fault, and I don’t blame  _ you _ .”

 

Goro stares at her in shock and she shuffles awkwardly where she stands. She turns to Ren, but he shrugs, she had clearly planned to do this without him, after all. The silence stretches on further before Futaba asks in a frenzied tone, “DO YOU LIKE FEATHERMAN?”

 

They spend the next few hours watching episodes on her laptop, her sitting in Ren’s chair while he sits in between them on the bed. Ren is hardly watching, taking in the scene with a smile as Futaba bounces with excitement and Goro chuckles, leaning his head on Ren’s shoulder. He doesn’t say much during Futaba’s visit, and Ren knows it’s an alternative to speaking further on what he’s done, but it’s a start. Ren’s heart swells.

 

Futaba doesn’t say anything if she notices Goro’s quiet demeanor, and Ryuji and Ann certainly don’t comment on it when they forcibly join Ren to visit a couple of days later. It’s become apparent to the group where Ren goes every day, and the two reasoned that if they have to see Goro to see Ren, so be it.

 

Once they get to the exam room and get settled in, however, the two act as if Goro has been a part of their team for months. They share their snacks with him easily, even going as far as pushing food at his face vigorously. Goro chews on a sponge cake thoughtfully, before he looks at Ren with dawning realization.

 

“What?” He asks him with a smirk. Goro eyes Ann and Ryuji, arguing about something or another before he mutters to Ren, “You all show your affections with excessive amounts of junk food.”

 

Ren smiles tenderly, “That is what friends do, yes.”

 

Ryuji and Ann hear this and drop their conversation, smiling and nodding at Goro encouragingly. He seems uneasy like he’s out of his element, but he nods when Ryuji holds a bag of chips out for him. Ren can’t help but laugh as Goro chews with the most pensive expression on his face, placing a hand on Goro’s ankle closest to him. The others don’t notice the gesture, but Goro’s face softens and they share a private smile.

 

The moment ends when Ann slaps Goro’s arm, “Akechi, help me out!”

 

“Wasn’t listening,” Goro responds, grumbled out around a mouthful of chips, and Ren shakes with laughter. He’s come so far.

 

“Who would win in a fight, a caveman or an astronaut?” Ryuji poses the question.

 

“The astronaut, right?” Ann resumes slapping Goro’s arm. Ren would be concerned, but Goro’s indulgence on chips never wavers. “Because he’d be smarter, right?”

 

“But we’re talking about a  _ fight _ , dude, you don’t need brains for that!” Ryuji argues. Ren can feel Takemi’s glare through the wall.

 

“Do they have weapons?” Goro inquires, digging for more chips.

 

Ryuji and Ann stare at each other. “No. No?” “No? Yeah, no.”

 

“Kay. Caveman wins.”

 

Ryuji assaults Goro’s other arm with victorious punches with a yelp, and Ren lunges to intervene. The room is filled with shouts (including Takemi barging in to put a halt to it), but the mood is incredibly light.

 

It’s much quieter when Makoto visits, under the guise that Ren cannot avoid studying forever. They lay books on the empty space of Goro’s bed while he watches them carefully, petting a sleeping Morgana in his lap.

 

After a while, it seems like Goro is nodding off before he tenses and sits up with a quiet, “Oh.”

 

“What?” Ren asks with concern. He’d reach out to him, but Makoto’s gaze is powerful in its scrutiny, just like Sae’s. He knows that she was the first to iterate that Goro was a victim, but things are different when confronting the person directly. Ryuji and Ann were safe, personally relating instead of personally affected, and Futaba has her reservations, but she remembers what Goro had said about his own mother months and months ago in Leblanc and is willing to give him a chance.

 

Where Makoto will fall leaves Ren cautious.

 

“You’re studying for finals,” Goro continues.

 

“Yes?” Makoto answers, tone unsure of what the point is.

 

He gives a self-deprecating chuckle, “I haven’t thought of school since…” he turns and looks at Ren.

 

Or rather, at his forehead. Ren tenses and puts his pen down. Goro’s mouth twitches like he’s refraining from putting on a disarming smile, “I don’t think I’m going to graduate.”

 

“Nonsense,” Makoto responds immediately. They both turn to look at her quizzically. “I’m sure Sis can arrange something with your school. I’ll let her know to do that.”

 

“She’s busy,” Goro argues, but stops when Makoto gives him a look. Ren had known he and Sae were close, but it just occurs to him that maybe he was also closer to Makoto than he thought. He’s admittedly curious about it, but he won’t prod, especially now.

 

“She’ll do it. You know how serious she is about education,” Makoto smiles with amusement and Goro huffs. Ren feels as out of place as he did when Sae was here, but he’s grateful that Goro has people. Goro has  _ had _ people, and now it’s a matter for him to trust them properly.

 

“Besides,” Makoto turns to Ren, “We’ll study with you, right?”

 

Ren sees the statement for what it is. An acceptance of not just Goro, but Ren as well for bringing Goro into their lives, truly. He’s been afraid of the inevitable confrontation, despite the group reaching out to Goro in the boiler room without his input, because he knows it’s not easy for them. Hell, it wasn’t easy for  _ him _ , but that special weird thing between them overruled everything else. He knows he’s been unfairly avoiding everyone, so he appreciates the olive branch Makoto is handing him.

 

He nods again and mouths, “Thank you,” to her, and she relaxes and smiles. She then turns to Goro.

 

“You’ve got to help us too, you know.”

 

“I doubt  _ you _ need my help.”

 

Ren pushes his math book at Goro with both hands, wheezing, “Please help me…”

 

Makoto concedes with a quiet laugh, “Yes, you’ll have to help Haru and I with the underclassmen.”

 

“I call Goro,” Ren declares. 

 

“We’re not planning one-on-one sessions, Ren,” Makoto scolds, smacking her pen against one of his hands. He pays it no mind, staring down Goro with the best puppy dog eyes he can muster.

 

“Please teach me, senpai.”

 

Goro stares back, mouth twitching but otherwise unresponsive, “Listen to Makoto.”

 

Ren collapses on his math book, defeated (“Critical hit!” Futaba squeaks in his mind).

 

“We’ll get a big study group together before finals. You’ll be cleared to leave by then?” Makoto asks Goro.

 

“Any day now, according to the doctor!” Morgana pipes up. Goro scratches at his ears and he settles back down to continue his cat nap. Makoto picks a date and promises to contact the others, taking her leave shortly after and both boys sag noticeably. Makoto’s plan is promising. There is nothing Ren wants more than to have everyone, Goro included, in the same room, but he knows it’s not that easy. He looks at Goro and thinks of Haru, the only one who hasn’t actively texted him asking about his whereabouts. She knows exactly where he is. 

 

She was understanding in the boiler room. Unforgiving, but understanding. Her gaze had pierced him the hardest on the way to the clinic from the Diet building, a ferocity that they have all grown accustomed to seeing from her while facing shadows, but confronted with it head on had been daunting. He feels the guiltiest by far while thinking about Haru.

 

“What do you think about that?” Ren asks Goro, stopping himself from dwelling any further.

 

Goro gives a tired half-smile, “Your friends are exhausting. These past few days have been exhausting.” Ren nods and waits for elaboration. “But it feels. Good. Having people come here. I like that you were here.” Goro’s face reddens a bit and Ren smiles, smitten. “I guess this was the best way for me to get acclimated to them all. Stuck here, having them show up unannounced. No way to hide or prepare…”

 

“Impulsivity is honest,” Ren supplies, Goro moving his head in agreement.

 

“When I’m given the okay…” Goro trails off and his expression changes, “You should talk to Okumura. At least before we’re in the same room again.”

 

Ren sighs and feels the guilt slamming back in, “You’re telling me you’re comfortable seeing her again?”

 

“No, of course not, but I know I’ll have to eventually, just as I’ve seen everyone else. I can’t avoid her. I don’t necessarily want to, either, even if I’m not  _ comfortable _ with the idea.” Goro pauses. “Why do  _ you _ want to avoid her?”

 

“I don’t,” Ren starts.

 

“You’ve been avoiding everyone, actually, don’t pretend I haven’t noticed. Their spontaneous visits have thrown you off as well, tell me why.”

 

Goro looks at Ren like he’s interrogating him, and he feels like he’s going to start sweating any minute. He shifts in his chair, trying to think of how to answer. He doesn’t want to upset him, but they’ve been so insistent about honesty lately. He looks back at Goro with pleading eyes.

 

“Were you afraid of them abandoning you?”

 

Ren looks down. The phrasing is drastic, but Goro isn’t wrong, exactly.

 

“Ren,” Goro starts, “They are just as loyal to you as you are to them. Even if they’re upset with you, they wouldn’t cut ties from you. The fact that you’re avoiding them, however, is just a step below that, and that is going to piss them off, if they aren’t already. It’s daunting that they’re not happy. That you didn’t help them, but troubled them. But avoiding them is only going to make matters worse.”

 

Ren looks at him pointedly.

 

“Yeah, yeah, I realize what I’m saying,” Goro rolls his eyes, “so you’ve got to trust that I know what I’m talking about.” He pauses, thinking. “Okumura joined you...when? September?” Ren nods. “That’s...three months, give or take, that she’s been a part of the group? And how open has she been with you all, given the short length of time? How much do you know about her?”

 

Ren opens his mouth to answer, but he is beginning to understand Goro’s point, so he lets him continue.

 

“Factor in her background as a CEO’s daughter, she’s had plenty of...political interactions in a sort of way. Everything you say has worth to those men in suits, every word has to be chosen so carefully. How much can she bring herself to trust you with her worries, her discomforts? If it will inconvenience someone else, is it really worth bringing up, or will it just result in more grief for yourself?”

 

Ren knows Goro is speaking with experience, to a certain degree. He also knows that there is another unspoken thought hanging in the air, that to the type of people Goro speaks of,  _ people have their worth too _ , and the power of privilege can be taken away so easily, if you’re not careful. That type of people deemed Okumura Kunikazu no longer worthy and had him disposed of by the very man sitting next to him. He hadn’t thought of the fact that Haru might see her place with the Thieves as being so fragile like the type of shady business deals that led to her father’s death when he fell out of line.

 

Ren pulls on his hair and laughs shakily, “That was impressive.”

 

Goro doesn’t waver at the compliment, “How I’ve lived, you had to know how to read people in order to survive. Besides, I know you. We’re similar. Terribly afraid of being alone, terribly afraid of letting people in.” He squints at him, “You wear a mask just as I do.”

 

“Guess that’s why we work.”

 

“Yeah, we’ll see.”

 

“I have faith.”

 

A smiles comes through before Goro can stop it. He throws an arm out, beckoning Ren to grab his hand. He does so gleefully.

 

“Okumura is familiar with masks as well. Talk to her. Trust your friends. They’ll forgive you and love you anyway despite your terrible choices.”

 

“You’re not a terrible choice,” Ren argues.

 

“A controversial one, in the least.”

 

“I don’t care.”

 

“If you don’t care, then stop feeling guilty about it. That’s my department. Plus it hurts my feelings,” Goro says it jokingly, but it makes Ren acknowledge that him hiding away at the clinic hasn’t been fair to Goro either, using him as an excuse to avoid confrontation.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s okay. It’s...not like I  _ don’t _ like having you here.” Goro rolls his eyes affectionately. Ren relaxes and presses his lips to his knuckles.

 

“Thank you. I needed to hear...all of that.”

 

“I know. It’s easier to act when someone kicks you into it. Hopefully figuratively, but…” Goro waves an arm towards himself, towards the healing bullet wound.

 

“Soon enough, you’re not gonna be able to use this,” Ren mocks Goro’s motions, “for sympathy points. And then you’ll just be annoying.”

 

“Oh, I’m looking forward to that,” Goro grins cheekily and Ren laughs, feeling his worries finally begin to ebb away.

 

He dramatically pushes his books onto the floor and crawls on the bed in their stead. Goro gawks at him, but moves over to accommodate him regardless.

 

“Break time,” Ren declares. “I’m tired.”

 

Goro eases himself down and Ren drapes over him carefully, head resting underneath his chin. Goro buries his face in Ren’s curls and wraps and arm around him. Ren sighs with content. There is a lot in his life that is still in limbo, and he feels like a ball is going to drop at any moment, land on his head and incapacitate him. But now a sliver of hope that eight other pairs of hands will help him catch it returns.

 

Currently, two hands are roaming over his body, digging at his back and moving the hair out of his face. Fingers press soothingly against his forehead. Their encounter in the interrogation room doesn’t haunt him as much as it haunts Goro (rather, it is the process leading up to that encounter that forces sleep to elude him), so he angles his head up and places a kiss at Goro’s pulse. He waits for Goro’s breathing to slow before he closes his own eyes.

 

* * *

 

He’s not there when Shido shows up.

 

A couple of days after Makoto’s visit, Ren heads up to the roof after class to talk to Haru. She smiles politely at him, but doesn’t pause in her gardening. Ren sticks his hands deeply in his pockets and kicks at an imaginary rock. He’s thinking of what to say when-

 

“Do you love him?”

 

Haru is looking up at him with earnest eyes, void of judgement. Ren blinks owlishly, “Whoa.”

 

“I’m sorry,” she blushes, “I had a thought, and I want to try to understand.”

 

“No, I know. I’m sorry.” He can’t help the chuckle that escapes him. “It’s weird, right?”

 

“Oh, I don’t know.” She smiles encouragingly, “From what Morgana told me, he’s sort of always been around. It seems like you two are connected in some way?”

 

“...I guess so. He has the same power as me.”

 

Haru nods, “You two are very similar, actually. And truthfully, I think we all see a bit of ourselves in him. What could have been, if things had not gone so well for us, I suppose.” She looks down at her sprouts, thoughtful, “He was used by cruel adults. He did terrible things, and I can’t separate that from him, so I don’t know if I can be comfortable with him, per se...”

 

Ren’s posture slumps. He understands, expected this, even, but he still feels it personally.

 

“But he deserves more,” she declares. “I do feel he deserves a chance. And I’m glad you two have a kinship.” She smiles, “Or, I’m sorry, a relationship. I don’t want to disrespect that.”

 

“You’re okay,” he reassures. “Thank you. I’m sorry I caused you grief.”

 

Her expression drops slightly, “It’s to be expected. A lot of things will cause me grief.”

 

“We’re here for you. I will be too, I won’t shy away anymore.”

 

“It might be uncomfortable, though. I don’t want to trouble you either.”

 

“It’s to be expected,” he echoed. “It’s not pretty, or perfect, but we can all have some sort of bond. Even if the puzzle pieces don’t quite match.” He watched her head tilt and his tone turns hesitantly hopeful, “Right?”

 

After a beat, she responds, “Yes, I believe you’re right. I’m glad you came today. I didn’t want to lose you.” Her cheeks become tinted with pink.

 

“I didn’t want to lose you either. You’re a part of this team, and your struggles matter to us. I’m sorry I made you doubt that.”

 

She brightened, “You’re forgiven.” They both breathe sighs of relief before Haru speaks again, “Are you going to go see him?”

 

Ren rubs the back of his neck, “Yeah...he should get the clear from the doctor soon.” He looks at her, but hesitates, an offer sitting heavy on his tongue.

 

She must know what he’s thinking, though, because she shakes her head, “Not today. Someday though, I will.” She smiles shyly, “Can I ask for a favor?”

 

“Anything.”

 

“Can I take Morgana off your hands for the evening? I find him quite comforting to be around…”

 

Ren tries not to let the sting of an upset friend weigh him down, making haste to let Morgana out of his bag instead, “Yeah, of course.” Morgana leans against Haru’s legs and she scratches behind his ears. Ren shuffles awkwardly and decides that he best make his leave, “I love you.”

 

She blushes brightly and grins, shining like the sun above them, “I love you!”

 

His mood, enlightened by reconciliation, plummets when he spots Shido and two suited men exit the clinic, and he fears the worst. He stands frozen and the men stop as they end up approaching him. Shido stares him down with a dawning familiarity, looking back at the clinic before nodding.

 

“It’s you,” he says under his breath. Ren stands tall with the posture of Joker and waits. “Congratulations on cheating death. I expect that this won’t be the last I see of you, either.”

 

Ren frowns but says nothing. He needs more information on what he means, what he’s even doing here. If he’s done anything to Goro. Ren eyes the clinic anxiously, but Shido speaks again, drawing his attention.

 

“Leave him out of it.” Shido jerks his head towards the clinic in explanation. “During the case, in the courtroom, wherever. Consider him  _ unrelated _ .” The word makes Ren’s fists clench, but he reins it in with a glower. Shido is talking like he’s three steps ahead of him and it isn’t a position Ren wants to be in.

 

“I wronged you too, I remember,” Shido elaborates, “You would be a valuable witness to a prosecutor.” He smirks but it seems defeated. It still fills Ren with a white hot rage. “A win-win, of sorts.”

 

“What do you get,” Ren spits out before he can stop it, “helping him like that? You don’t care.”

 

“I don’t,” he concedes. “Not in the way you want me to.” His smirk dissipates. “It’s the guilt. It won’t fix things, but I can’t do nothing. It’s also a repayment, for his services. However, this plan will only work if you cooperate, boy.”

 

_ The audacity. _

 

Ren doesn’t realize he’s stepped forward threateningly until he notices Shido’s men moving towards him. He backs off and stuffs his fists in his pockets.

 

“Our battle is in the courtroom,” Shido sneers. “You should let him lay down his weapons, no?”

 

Ren huffs through his nose and turns his gaze to the clinic once more. He needs to get in there. Shido reads the conversation as finished, and the three suits walk away without another word.

 

Ren books it inside the clinic, first finding Takemi.

 

“Doctor?” He inquires worriedly.

 

“Fine,” she mumbles irritably, “You’re lucky I like you, guinea pig, my patience is thinning.”

 

“Sorry,” he shuffles on his feet. She shoos him away and he barrels in the exam room.

 

Goro is sitting perfectly straight in the bed, head turned away from the door. Ren pauses to take in his body language. His fingers clench white-knuckled in the sheets and Ren feels a soreness in own hands from restraining himself in front of Shido. Goro’s whole body is tense, suppressing shivers, but they overpower him soon enough. His head hangs with a wheeze and he inhales with a cut-off sob.

 

“Goro-”

 

“ _ Don’t _ .” He hisses and Ren stops. “I’m fucking- Give me a minute.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Ren watches as Goro regulates his breathing. Deep inhales and exhales, and Ren counts backwards in his own head to calm himself down as well. Every so often, Goro gives a frustrated grunt, but keeps at it. He stops shaking eventually, lashing a hand out at Ren. He looks at it dumbly before he realizes Goro is beckoning him. He steps closer and takes the proffered hand, feeling Goro squeeze his own fiercely.

 

“Can I sit here?” Goro nods once and he sits on the bed, facing the other. They sit in silence, unmoving.

 

When Goro’s chest stops heaving, he looks up ahead of him and Ren sees his cheeks are wet. His eyes, however, contain a fury that is slowly diminishing, but still burning so brightly. Ren can’t help the admiration and adoration he feels looking at him.

 

“Did he speak to you?” Goro grits out.

 

“Yeah. ‘ _ It’s you _ ,’” He mocks, snorting incredulously. “Asshole.”

 

“So he remembers that you’re the leader.”

 

“He remembers having me arrested for assault too. If he feels remorse for it like he’s supposed to, he didn’t show it,” Ren jaw clenches. He won’t mention that he spoke of his court case, and his threat for Ren’s cooperation. He still has to make sense of it all, himself.

 

“Sorry,” Goro mumbles, “That couldn’t have been pleasant.”

 

Ren shakes his head, “I’m fine. I was worried about you.”

 

“Yeah, I heard your big feet stomping. I know this isn’t a hospital, but you should still be quiet. It’s rude.” Goro’s smile is small, but his tone is much lighter.

 

“You know what they say,” Ren jokes half-heartedly, “Seriously, are you alright?”

 

Goro stares at the wall, considering. Finally, he looks at Ren and shakes his head. His eyes look distant, and every fibre of Ren’s being wants to make the fragile light return, “What can I do?”

 

“...I don’t want you to leave,” Goro begins. “But I can’t- I don’t want to be  _ here _ .”

 

Ren nods and presses the call button next the the bed. Takemi walks in almost right away, chart in hand preparedly.

 

“Can I take him with me, Doctor?” He asks anyway.

 

Her eyes skim the chart briefly before she looks at Goro firmly, “You’ll be fine as long as you’re careful with your movements. No heavy lifting,” she pauses, looking at both of them before smirking, “No extraneous activity.”

 

Goro coughs and Ren peers at him to see his reddening cheeks. He revels in how cute he looks, and that he can also avoid the doctor’s eyes until she addresses him.

 

“Guinea pig, I’ll have you take these pain meds with you in case my bird needs them.”

 

She hands a familiar looking bottle over and Ren looks at Goro again, mouthing, “Bird?”

 

“Pig,” he mouths back, pointing at him. Ren slaps the finger away for being wrong.

 

“I’m serious about extraneous activity,” Takemi scolds. Ren drops his hand with a mumbled apology before standing up, bowing to her gratefully.

 

“Thank you for everything. Really.” He feels the medical chart tap his head in acknowledgement, so he straightens up. He sees Goro bow his head as well, and she taps it before he tries to bend over any further.

 

“I hope I don’t have to see any of you in here for a good while,” Takemi says with a small smile and exits the room.

 

Ren turns to Goro and places a kiss on his forehead, “I’m going home to get some clothes for you, I’ll be back shortly.”

 

“The gray hoodie, if you please,” Goro requests, and it makes Ren pause.

 

“Are you going to steal your boyfriend’s hoodie?” He asks, corner of his mouth tilted upward. Goro wraps an arm around his waist and looks at him with a bold expression.

 

“Mhmmm. What do you plan on doing about it?”

 

Ren blinks, eyes wide, before wrapping his arms around Goro in an embrace, “Nothing, because that’s really cute. How are you so cute?”

 

Goro indulges in the hug for a moment before shoving him away, “Hurry and go so we can finally leave the doctor in peace.”

 

Ren has to check first if Goro is blushing. He concludes that yes, indeed, the redness has reached his ears, and smiles triumphantly before heading out of the room to Leblanc, promising to return as fast as he can.

 

 

When they walk through the doors of the cafe, it is mercifully empty. Sojiro steps up to Goro, who straightens like he’s preparing for the worst, but Sojiro simply says, “Let me see it.”

 

Goro lifts up the hoodie to show Takemi’s bandaging. Sojiro nods, prompting, and he lifts enough of it up for the remnants of the wound to be visible. It will scar, there was no avoiding that, but the stitching looks neat and healthy. 

 

Sojiro sighs, “How long has it been since you’ve had a proper meal? Sit down.” He moves to the back to get a plate of curry prepared.

 

Goro looks at Ren for clarification, but Ren guides him to the booth to sit down. He mutters under his breath, “He’s still wrapping his head around everything we do. Plus he worries.”

 

Goro frowns, “About me?”

 

“Yup. Congrats, you’re Sojiro’s ninth kid.”

 

“Gonna make me prematurely gray, you lot,” Sojiro grumbles, setting down a plate in front of Goro. Ren gestures at the empty space before him, and Sojiro responds by jerking his thumb in the direction of the kitchen. Ren groans and gets up.

 

He overhears Sojiro’s hushed tone, “I heard Shido found you today.” Ren had filled him in as he was grabbing clothes earlier. “You’re safe here.”

 

Goro’s response is hesitant, “I’ve always felt safe here.” Then, even quieter, “I’m sorry about Isshiki Wakaba.”

 

He hears a deep sigh, “I get the feeling that she wouldn’t have held it over your head. She knew Shido was up to something, kept trying to warn me. I felt guilty too, for a long time. Still do on my worse days. I don’t think it will ever go away.”

 

Ren can’t excuse taking this long to get curry, and he’s concerned for Goro anyhow, so he makes his appearance known. Sojiro smiles and jerks his head towards him, “But you’ve got good people. I’ve learned that as long as you’re good to them, to the best of your abilities, you’ll manage.”

 

Ren sits down and starts eating, “Please don’t become a recluse and open up a cafe.”

 

Sojiro scoffs, “Brat.” He softens as he watches the boys eat quietly and steps away, satisfied. “I’m headed home for the evening. I assume you won’t be leaving?”

 

“Yeah, you can lock up,” Ren answers.

 

Goro hastily swallows his food to get out, “Thank you, Sakura-san.”

 

Sojiro waves it off as he exits the cafe.

 

Ren finishes off his plate with an impressive flourish, but Goro pays him no mind, eating thoughtfully. It must be strange for him, to be back in this cafe after everything, but he didn’t miss what Goro had said earlier. He hopes that despite Goro’s discomfort, he can bring back that feeling of safety for him.

 

“Where’s Morgana?” Goro inquires plainly. He’s slowed down eating considerably, pushing the rice around. Ren slips a leg in between Goro’s.

 

“With Haru.”

 

“You talked to her? I’m glad. You were terribly mopey.”

 

Ren shuffles sheepishly. “You were right,” he admits.

 

“I usually am,” Goro spoons up another bite. Ren knocks their knees together.

 

“You sure about that?”

 

Goro rolls his eyes, “One matter aside.”

 

“Pretty big matter.”

 

“Yeah...it is.” Ren almost regrets pressing, but Goro continues, “He told me he was going to take the blame for everything.” His head shakes, with disbelief, “It still won’t be enough for a jury without external evidence. They’ll try to call it a mental breakdown, like Madarame.”

 

Ren’s fingers twist in his own hair. Shido’s words keep bouncing off in his mind, and their implications. A way to spare Goro of further grief, but at a huge cost. He looks at the boy across the booth from him and hears,  _ Don’t martyr yourself _ .

 

He grits his teeth. Things are just getting better with everyone, he laments, but knows what he needs to do, for everyone’s sake. If Shido can claim fault for everything, so can Ren. But a pang of guilt hits his gut hard, looking at Goro.

 

“Ren? Are you alright?”

 

He brushes it all away for now, “Yeah, sorry, honey.” Goro’s eyebrows furrow at the pet name, not typically used in this sort of context. Changing the subject, “You think he might pay people off?”

 

“Probably, I don’t know,” Goro shakes his head again, “Look, I don’t think you want to talk about him, and frankly, I’m perfectly okay not discussing him any further either. Do you want to go to bed?”

 

Ren pinches his nose, “Sorry, yeah, let’s go.”

 

Goro reaches over for his hand before he gets up, “I get it. You know I do. You don’t have to pretend that the idea of him isn’t worrisome.”

 

“I don’t want to burden you.”

 

Goro chuckles, “Hiding your true feelings isn’t better. Not where we’re at now. Speak honestly,” he echoes, and Ren nods, body heavy. Hopefully he’ll have the chance to make things right one day.

 

“Let’s go to sleep,” Ren pulls them both up and Goro steps closer suggestively.

 

“Just sleep?” His lips form a demure smirk, and Ren can’t help but stare right at them.

 

“Doctor’s orders,” he says dumbly.

 

Goro persists, “There are ways around that.” He becomes more hesitant, “It helps you too, right? To take care of me?”

 

Ren inhales deeply and presses their foreheads together, acknowledging that he can’t deny himself comfort in this moment. They stand there, breathing each other in. Then, Ren murmurs, “Let’s go,” and pulls Goro along. He grasps at him with both hands as the ascend the stairs, careful not to pull at the stitches. 

 

Once they reach the top, Goro is panting lightly, so Ren kisses his brow, whispers in his ear, “You did so well, I’m proud of you.” Goro closes his eyes and leans on him with a pleasant sigh. Ren drops another kiss before he bends his knees, scooping Goro up into his arms easily. Goro wraps his arms around his neck quickly with a gasp, and Ren huffs with affection, “Boss and I are going to feed you so much curry.”

 

Goro rests his head against Ren’s shoulder and doesn’t protest. Ren moves over to the bed and lays him down gently. Goro keeps his arms locked around his neck, pulling him down on top of him. Ren holds himself up carefully, avoiding putting any pressure on the boy underneath him. He can’t let his hands roam like he wants to, but Goro doesn’t seem to mind. His hands frame Ren’s face, finger digging in his curls as he pulls him down for a kiss. He coaxes his tongue in right away, a cut-off groan rising from Ren’s throat. 

 

It pains him not to be able to touch him back. He loves igniting the touch-starved nerves all over Goro’s body, loves how sensitive his boy is, but Goro’s comfort and safety overrules all else.

 

_ Well… _ He parts from Goro’s lips and bites under his jaw lightly. His mouth is free, he reasons. His lips travel the length of Goro’s throat, sucking briefly at his pulse point. He knows he can’t go too far, as Goro squirms with a whine and he pulls away with a hush to settle him. He delivers praises and loving words through whispers in his ear, Goro’s cheeks burning, but body relaxing. Ren can’t help but nip at the earlobe, pulling for a bit, grinning when Goro’s head thumps to the side. The motion exposes the side of Goro’s neck perfectly, and Ren resumes lavishing it with light, teasing kisses.

 

Before...everything, Ren kept himself from going too far mostly because he knew their relationship was doomed from the beginning. But whenever they were alone like this, it was as if there was a magnetic pull between them. Tempting, electrifying, and terrifying all at once. A morbid curiosity. Self preservation only went so far, especially when Goro was so unexpectedly giving.

 

Then it turned into more, out of his control. He quickly became aware of just how much trust Goro was placing with him, even temporarily, and how much power it gave him. How much he liked it, reveled in it. Not just for him, but for Goro as well. Despite a rotten foundation, they somehow managed to find equal footing.

 

Ren had felt like he was holding a piece of chipped glass- something with the ability to cut him sharply, but so completely fragile and dependent on him.

 

He knows now that he couldn’t think of Goro so simply. He was simultaneously on to something, and absolutely out of depth. There is so much to him that he couldn’t have had any idea about, and now, every day is an opportunity to learn something new. The piece of glass is taking shape before his eyes.

 

Ren pulls away to look at Goro. His face is burning bright red and he’s panting lightly still, but he looks gorgeously relaxed. Ren tilts his chin up, kissing him reverently. Goro clings to him, and their tongues press together hotly. Ren manages to pull away, nipping at Goro’s bottom lip. They rest their foreheads against each other, chests heaving.

 

He finds himself still wavering, even now. He wishes it’s only because of the gunshot wound. “Damn it,” he hisses and tries to sit up, but Goro’s hold on him tightens with a high pitched whine. “We can’t, honey, you’re hurt.” Goro persists, and Ren soothes him with a hand in his hair. They lie there in an unsteady embrace, Ren now thinking too hard to truly lose himself in the moment.

 

“What am I going to do with you?” He murmurs, and Goro’s nose brushes against his cheek, no doubt trying to initiate more contact. “Can’t deny you anything,” he growls, connecting their lips once more intensely. Goro moans brokenly in his mouth and Ren presses impossibly closer. Frustration at Shido, frustration at the lack of reaction from the public, and bitterness at his own helplessness ignites something in him. He breaks away and bites at the same spot at Goro’s neck as before, basking in the moan it draws out of him.

 

Goro’s body shakes with arousal and Ren grips his hips and kisses the bite mark to soothe him. Satisfied with the mark he’s left, he leans up to Goro’s ear, “I will stop if I think it’s too much for your wound, understand?” Goro nods and Ren nips at his lobe. “I need to hear you, honey.”

 

“Yes,” Goro responds immediately, keening, “ _ Please _ .”

 

Ren kisses his temple, “Good boy, thank you.” His hands push up the hoodie enough for the bandage to be visible before they move to the front of Goro’s pants. The fact that Goro is wearing  _ his _ clothes, surrounded by his scent thrills him more than he will admit. Goro breathes in shakily, a whimper escaping him. “Stay as still as you can for me, okay?” After pressing against the bulge under his hand briefly, Ren unbuttons the pants and slides the zipper down, moving back on the bed for better access. He lifts Goro’s hips gently to slide his clothes down just enough, easing him back down.

 

Goro’s breathing is erratic, and Ren feels a hand run through his hair before gripping needily. He places a kiss near the bandage before bracing an arm over Goro’s stomach. He then grips Goro loosely, stroking up once before he parts his lips and takes the head in his mouth. Goro cries out and he tries to thrust up, but Ren’s arm keeps him steady. He works on relaxing his throat, taking in as much of him as he can. Once he reaches his limit, he pulls off slowly, licking and sucking reverently. 

 

A litany of sounds escapes Goro’s lips. Ren glances up to observe his reactions, an arm that is thrown over his face but doesn’t quite hide the flush that has developed, his chest that is heaving as he takes in frenzied breaths. Ren strokes his hand up once more, kissing the tip, and watches Goro’s chest pull in a sharp inhale.

 

Ren smirks, crooning, “Just look at you.” Another stroke, and a moan from Goro to accompany it. “So perfect, all mine.” Goro shakes with an exhale at the praise and Ren moves his hand up once more, squeezing gently before he lets go and grips at Goro’s thigh. He puts his mouth on him again, bobbing his head and sucking while his fingers dig into the muscles of Goro’s leg, well developed no doubt from both his cycling and traversing the Metaverse. 

 

Ren groans at the feel of it, running his hand along it, and hears Goro’s subsequent whines. His body trembles underneath him and Ren moves his hand to his own groin, palming himself. His own sounds join Goro’s own, growing louder as Ren continues blowing him. He can feel him getting closer, feels the fingers in his hair clench, hears his breathing hitch, tastes him on his tongue. He nods in encouragement, keeping an eye on the bandage and sucks hard, increasing the pressure of his hand on himself as well.

 

Goro comes in his mouth with a broken cry and a semblance of Ren’s name on his lips, tensing underneath his arm before sagging bonelessly. Ren swallows and sucks for a moment longer to feel Goro’s body twitch with overstimulation. He moves off after hearing a sweet whimper, laying his head on Goro’s thigh and continuing to jerk himself off, chasing his own orgasm.  Goro’s grip in his hair persists and he groans at the pull of it, panting hotly on Goro’s leg.

 

He hears Goro’s shaky exhales and soothes, “Shh, I’ve got you. You’re so good, Goro, so good.” He breaks off with another groan and knows he’s close. He shuts his eyes, pressing his forehead against Goro’s leg insistently. Goro’s fingers tug on his curls and he whispers his name tenderly.

 

Ren’s teeth sink into Goro’s thigh, muffling his voice as he comes, Goro’s moan overpowering his own. After he comes down, body relaxing, he runs his tongue over the new mark as a balm. Goro’s fingers release their hold on his hair, combing through it gently. Once he gets his breathing under control, Ren sits up and throws his glasses aside, easing Goro’s pants all the way off before those are thrown aside as well. He lays down beside him and drapes an arm over his chest, resting his forehead against his temple.

 

“How do you feel?” He asks.

 

Goro nods sleepily, hand grasping at the arm holding him feebly, “Better. You?”

 

Ren’s lips touch Goro’s cheek and he echoes, “Better.”

 

“Good. Thank you.”

 

“For what?”

 

“Just…” Goro turns his head and initiates a kiss, not urgent, but passionate in its devotion. Ren sighs into it gratefully. “Thank you,” Goro whispers. Ren smiles and leans his head on him once more, not wanting a lick of space between them.

 

“I can’t wait to hug the crap out of you properly,” Ren says, snuggling as close as he can.

 

He hears Goro’s amused chuckle, “Have you been  _ that _ deprived?”

 

“I’m being tortured,” he responds very seriously.

 

Goro’s hand tightens on the arm around him appeasingly, “Not too long now.”

 

“You’re not allowed to get shot ever again. Make the precinct assign you to permanent case filing or something.”

 

“I’m not getting back into law enforcement.”

 

Ren opens his eyes and leans back enough to look at him, “Really?”

 

Goro nods, staring at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling. “I’ve been thinking about it since Makoto brought up schooling. What I want to do once everything is settled.”

 

That alone has Ren grinning, “You  _ are _ thinking about a future?”

 

He knows that Goro is rolling his eyes, even if he can’t really see it, “The faith you all have in Sae is astoundingly contagious.” His tone turns serious, “Plus, whatever Shido has in mind might…” He huffs irritably, “I really detest the idea of relying on him in such a way.”

 

_ Then rely on me. _

 

Ren doesn’t say as such, though, pulling Goro’s face towards him once more and silencing him with a kiss, “Let’s not start on him again. I don’t have another round in me.”

 

Goro smirks derisively, “Yeah, the last thing I need is to associate  _ this _ with him.”

 

Ren’s voice is hushed, reaching up to touch Goro’s face gently, “Don’t let him take any more from you.” Goro leans into the touch, grasping at Ren’s hand as an unspoken answer. “Tell me about school,” he whispers as a change of topic, “What do you want to do?”

 

Goro frowns, uncertain, “I don’t know, actually. Not this. Not  _ Tokyo _ , I mean,” he amends, eyeing Ren. He nods to assuage him. “I want…” He laughs, “A fresh start? Cliche, right?”

 

“Makes sense to me. Moving here was the best thing I ever did, even if it wasn’t my call.”

 

“Really?”

 

There are so many reasons that makes Ren say as such, but Goro is the closest one, so he nudges him pointedly, “Mhmmm.”

 

He knows Goro knows the full implications of his statement, but he blushes anyhow and Ren’s heart jumps.

 

“A fresh start, eh?” Ren continues. “You thinking like  _ Walden _ ?”

 

Goro makes a noise akin to a shrug, “No, I don’t think complete isolation would bode well for me. But someplace new. Maybe further up north?”

 

“Don’t go to my hometown. It’s...not great.”

 

Teasingly, Goro responds, “Even though it’s  _ torture _ for you now, you don’t want me following you?”

 

“ _ I _ don’t want to go back. I certainly don’t want that for  _ you _ .”

 

“You will have to go back eventually though.” It’s not a question, and Ren is uncomfortable with where this conversation is going.

 

“Eventually.”

 

“And then you’ll want to come back here?”

 

“Maybe. Things could change I guess.”

 

The air in the room feels sullen. “I wonder what that will mean, for you and me,” Goro says it nonchalantly, but it still lays heavily.

 

“It doesn’t have to mean anything, Trains exist. Besides, things change, as I said. I don’t think we should get hung up on it.”

 

“That is a valid point.”

 

Ren leans back once more to establish eye contact, “I want what’s best for you. Whatever that ends up meaning. But I’m here for you as long as I’m needed. Okay?”

 

Goro’s eyes look the slightest bit wet, but he nods, “Okay. I feel the same.”

 

“I know.” And, because he can, he kisses Goro’s nose. “I’m glad that’s been established.”

 

They settle back down to go to sleep, and Ren mulls on his words, how they absolutely ring true for him. The beginnings of a plan are constructing in his mind, but one matter remains.

 

“You should get a dog.”

 

“I should get a dog.”

 

* * *

 

“He threatened you?”

 

Ren eyes the crowd around him and Sae even though he knows they’re not being so much as glanced at. It all feels so surreal. His hands still shake from the leftover adrenaline from shooting a literal god. In the face.

 

His posture straightens, “Well if anyone, say a lawyer, wanted to get technical, the words ‘or else’ were never said. There weren’t any ultimatums. But I recognized it for what it was. He told Goro he was going to take the blame for everything and leave him out of it as payment for his services. He told me as a way to ensure he can do that successfully.”

 

Sae’s arms are crossed in her thinking stance, “Why wouldn’t Akechi-kun have told me about this?”

 

“Probably because he planned on being in that courtroom and taking responsibility anyhow.” His hands clench in his pockets, “Come to think of it, that’s probably why Shido told me to leave Goro out of it too. Another line of defense against him.”

 

“Why  _ does _ Shido want him out of the courtroom so badly?”

 

A few answers come to mind, “Goro complicates things. A lot. Wouldn’t him being there extend the trial?” Sae nods begrudgingly, “The change of heart makes the guilt weigh on Shido most uncomfortably. I’m sure he wants to get the trial done as soon as possible for that reason. And he also seemed to think that leaving Goro out would make that guilt lessen as well.”

 

Sae sighs, troubled, “I’d hate to play into his hand like that, but I’m assuming you’re telling me all of this to convince me to do just that.”

 

He breathes deeply through his nose, bracing himself, “Here’s one more thing to help you out with this decision. I’m a worthwhile witness because of the arrest he framed me for. But I’m also a valuable witness as the leader of the Phantom Thieves.”

 

Sae’s eyebrows shoot to her hairline.

 

Ren nods at the look and continues, “Bringing the truth about us to light will solidify Shido’s own confession, and nobody will be able to write it off in any way. It’d be a very solid and hard to ignore testimony.”

 

“You know what that will mean for you, don’t you?”

 

Joker’s conviction slips away, leaving behind a teenager with a bad habit of slouching. Ren shrugs, “Yeah. But I won’t put them on the line. Any of them. I’ll take the blame to spare them all.” He smirks, but it feels shaky, “You’ve got to admit, this is the best possible outcome.”

 

“Even though it’s the one Shido wants the most?” The question is rhetorical, so Ren stares at his shoes. “I swear I will do everything I can for you.”

 

Ren nods and smiles reassuringly, “I know.”

 

“We should have the trial as soon as possible. I can only guarantee you a day, maybe two.” Sae looks incredibly apologetic, but determined.

 

“I appreciate it.” He truly is. He can keep up a facade for a couple of days, lie through his teeth to everyone he loves before he quietly disappears, a burden to no one.

 

She takes her leave and he feels his phone vibrate. He reads through all of the texts from his friends and confidants and knows that it won’t be that easy. What he plans on doing will disappoint and anger them, and he won’t be around to face that or make amends for it. But this truly is the best course of action. With heavy shoulders, Ren makes the trek home.

 

He worries about Goro finding out what will happen the most, but there’s no one else he’d rather choose to spend what could be his last night of freedom with.

 

When he reaches Leblanc, he doesn’t go inside right away. He takes in the scene before him, Sojiro doing the last bit of closing tasks while Goro sits with Yusuke in front of  _ Sayuri _ . It shocks him, but warms his heart as the two are conversing with serene smiles on their faces. Before long, Goro is looking past the artist to make eye contact with him, motioning for him to come inside and out of the cold. He breathes in a few times to steady himself before he opens the door.

 

“Hello, Ren,” Yusuke greets him. “I was explaining to Akechi the technique that went into creating  _ Sayuri _ .”

 

“It’s quite impressive,” Goro chimes in, “I didn’t know there were so many ways to... put a paintbrush to a canvas?”

 

“A fool, truly. He has much to learn,” Yusuke says to Ren, a statement that would have been whispered by anyone else. Ren loves Yusuke because he is not anyone else. “He doesn’t know what  _ synesthesia _ is, Ren.”

 

“It sounds like an illness?” Goro answers hesitantly. Ren shakes his head as a warning and the two give each other various looks over Yusuke’s head while he takes in  _ Sayuri _ with reverie.

 

“I think the beauty of  _ Sayuri _ is the intent that the artist had for it,” Ren inputs, more so to Goro, but Yusuke nods appreciatively.

 

“The theme of a mother’s love is impactful on an audience quite unlike any other.” Goro’s smile weakens, but he meets their gazes with a nod. Yusuke sighs and turns to Ren, “Perhaps you can help Akechi obtain an artist’s point of view like you and I possess, otherwise I am afraid he’s hopeless.”

 

Goro answers with a deadpan, “You humble me.”

 

“You kinda need it,” Ren argues before addressing Yusuke, “He likes literature.”

 

Yusuke hums thoughtfully before standing, “I’m sure there’s an equivalent to synesthesia in literary works, I’ll have to look into it. But for now, I will take my leave. I thought it best to visit  _ Sayuri _ on Christmas Eve, but now I will go and refine a piece I am currently working on. I feel a bit of inspiration after our conversation.” He smiles sharply at Goro before giving his thanks to Sojiro and bidding farewell. Ren takes his spot at the bar.

 

“Congrats, you’ve made it through a one-on-one conversation with Yusuke. How do you feel?” He nudges Goro beside him teasingly.

 

“Did I? Did I survive? I don’t think he likes me.”

 

“He likes you. He wouldn’t be so insistent on your artistic eye if he wasn’t. You wouldn’t believe the lengths he goes to convince Ryuji the beauty of  _ Vision _ .” He watches Goro as he takes out his phone and looks up the aforementioned work.

 

He stares at it blankly, “Is that a tomato?”

 

“No. It is not.”

 

Goro lets his phone fall on the counter, “We talked about Pollick for a minute, and that seemed to go okay, but then he started to talk about the lack of meaning to all of his work, but how establishing no meaning is creating a meaning in and of itself, and he lost me very quickly.”

 

Ren laughs, “You don’t have to talk about art. Take him out for food, you both don’t eat enough.”

 

“But what do we talk about  _ over _ food?”

 

Ren pauses, “... _ Die Brücke _ .”

 

Goro squints at him. Sojiro interrupts their conversation with a cough, “I’m packing up. Have a good night, you two.”

 

As he heads out the door, Ren smirks pointedly at Goro, who shoves him nearly off his stool. After they settle down, Ren asks, “What were you two  _ really _ talking about?”

 

Goro’s smile turns wistful, “Living for a mother we never got the chance to get to know.” Ren waits, his expression prompting. “I’m starting to recognize that the mother in my memories is very much shaped by who I wish she was, instead of the reality of things. I was young when she passed, I couldn’t truly comprehend how we lived until it was far too late, and even then my experiences leading up to that point left something to be desired as well.”

 

“You’ve got trauma.”

 

“A lot,” he agrees. “It’s a lot for me to work through, in the healthy matter, anyway.”

 

“It’s easier to self sabotage than climb your way back up.” It’s phrased as if it’s a question, but Ren’s tone is already knowing.

 

Goro nods thoughtfully, “It really was. It was lonely, but it was easier only thinking of myself. Thinking I had no one, so I didn’t think about how my actions affected anyone else. Now, it’s like all the guilt has caught up to me, and it has spiraled like a snowball. But it’s also as if...the heaviness, the difficulty of all of this is what lets me know that what I’m doing is worth it? That it means something.”

 

Ren smiles proudly, “And that’s why Yusuke is invested in your artistic eye.”

 

Goro huffs. “What is your relationship with your mother?”

 

“Mothers.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“I have two moms,” he elaborated simply. Goro looks pleasantly shocked. 

 

“Oh. The way you talked about your hometown…”

 

“Yeah, we got the brunt of...a lot of scrutiny. But they’re tough. They taught me to be the better person if I could. Rise above, and all of that.”

 

“So how did they take your arrest? Oh, if you don’t mind me asking?” Goro backpedals, but Ren shakes his head.

 

“It’s okay. They weren’t, like, ecstatic or anything but they understood I guess. It’s not like their records are completely clean either. But they made sure to set me up here as best as the could.” Ren’s mood lightens a bit, thinking of the two of them. “They both get busy with projects at their jobs, but we make sure to talk on the phone every now and then.” He’s going to miss that.

 

Goro sits quietly, an awed smile on his face. Ren is uncomfortable with the shift in attention, so he jerks head towards outside the cafe, “Speaking of snowballs, we can probably manage to make a really tiny one if you want.”

 

Goro smiles indulgently, “That’s quite alright. But today is a special day. Anything you had in mind?”

 

Ren shakes his head after a moment, “Just wanna spend time with you.” Goro’s face flushes and they smile at each other sweetly before Ren stands and tugs Goro along with him to the attic.

 

 

“Open it.”

 

Goro tears off the wrapping paper and looks at the gift in his lap, chuckling, “ _ Wilderness Navigation Handbook _ . I was half-expecting a Thoreau collection.”

 

“That’s in the mail,” Ren smirks triumphantly before handing him a bag he had hidden behind the couch, “Here’s your real gift. This one will be more useful to you.”

 

“Stop it. That’s too much.”

 

Ren shoves the bag into his lap, “No, it’s not. Let me spoil you.”

 

Goro glares half-heartedly before reaching into the bag. A hefty scarf with a matching hat and gloves sit inside. His face grows soft, “Ren…”

 

“If you want to go up north, you’re going to need all that to keep warm. Plus you look so good in winter wear.” Ren runs his hand over Goro’s arm, feeling the softness of his sweater as an emphasis.

 

“Thank you,” Goro says earnestly, voice suspiciously wet. He throws his hands up weakly, “I didn’t get you anything.”

 

Ren smiles, “Yes, you did.” At Goro’s quizzical look, he elaborates, “You’re here, with me, despite all the reasons why you shouldn’t. That’s a Christmas miracle.”

 

Goro rolls his eyes, “You should expect more from me than simply being present.”

 

“This time only, babe. I have high hopes for my birthday.”

 

“I think I can manage to live up to them.”

 

They share a warm look before Goro reaches for his hand, “Tell me more about saving the world, hero.”

 

Before meeting up with Sae, the cafe had been full of adrenaline and excitement as the group had recapped everything in a frenzy to Sojiro, who couldn’t quite follow along, and Goro, who sat very still while listening. Sojiro shared that they had seen the tail end of the fight in the center of Shibuya, where it became quickly apparent to Goro that he had no chance of assisting in any way. 

 

Ren knows that makes Goro feel frustrated, but he doesn’t regret ordering him to stay behind. His stomach churns at the thought of that god being in close proximity to Goro after finding out about its sick game, but Goro does deserve to know the truth.

 

He looks at their joined hands, “So we punched God in the face.”

 

“Right.”

 

Ren takes his time, choosing each word carefully. “It turns out that this god was behind a lot of things. It picked you, and it picked me.”

 

“For what?”

 

“It saw things in black and white, and it chose us to represent each side. Depending on who... _ won _ , the fate of the world would be determined. If it would be destroyed or saved.”

 

Goro’s posture is still, but Ren knows he is masking a storm, “It used us for some game?”

 

“Along with that, it attempted to skew the results. It manipulated the Velvet Room.” Goro looks at him with recognition, confirming a theory that had been laying in the back of Ren’s mind. “It imprisoned Igor and posed as him, locking Lazenza away.”

 

Goro’s eyebrows furrow, piecing everything together, “The Velvet Room was only visible to me in the beginning. The key didn’t work after Loki came to me, and I quickly gave up trying to get in because I had only been in there a handful of times anyhow.”

 

“What did it look like to you?”

 

“Um, an office, a circular office.”

 

“A warden’s office?”

 

Goro frowns, “No? If anything, it reminded me of the office at the orphanage.”

 

Ren huffs sardonically, “That thing made it a prison. It saw us all as prisoners and wanted the excuse to destroy life as we know it. It cut you off from resources to keep you angry but complacent, and it lied to me over and over again. It put everything in the guise of a game, but it just wanted to prove Igor wrong.”

 

“And it wanted to use me to do it?”

 

Ren squeezes Goro’s hand, “I’m sorry.”

 

Goro looks incredibly distant. “What’s better? The semblance of control and free will, or the truth that you never had either?”

 

“The god wanted to bet that you would settle for a false sense of security.”

 

“You proved us both wrong,” Goro turns his eyes to Ren, staring meaningfully. 

 

“His downfall was underestimating us. You and me,” Ren clarifies.

 

It’s Goro’s turn to huff, “I wish I could’ve been there.”

 

“I’m sorry for that too.” Ren leans in closer, though. “I felt you though. Your support. We felt everybody cheering us on.”

 

Goro looks pensive, “Not to place blame on others, but your personas were strengthened through bonds, right? Do you think there was...divine intervention preventing me from that power as well?”

 

“Yes,” Ren answers without hesitation. “You have bonds, but you never thought you did. I think it prevented you from feeling that power. It wanted you isolated, just to prove its point.”

 

Goro’s head shakes, and Ren feels the tremors in his hands as well, “Everything I’ve ever done, everything I am...has been constructed by someone else for their benefit. I’ve been  _ used _ my whole life. I’m tired.”

 

“It’s over,” Ren reassures. “There’s no Metaverse, no personas. Nothing but opportunity, now.”

 

“Do you regret that? The loss of power?”

 

Ren mulls it over for a moment, “Arsene said something once to me. Something along the lines of he’d always be there, even when it seems like he isn’t.”

 

“Sounds like a liar.”

 

Ren laughs, “It was comforting.” He knocks their knees together, “Does losing them upset you?”

 

A sigh, “I suppose your persona was on to something anyhow. I can still feel them, faintly. If I reach out to them.”

 

Ren senses his own guiding gentleman thief lurking in the recesses of his thoughts and nods in agreement. “Things are looking up now.”

 

“I suppose they are.” Goro still sounds serious. 

 

“What’s wrong?” Ren inquires.

 

He doesn’t respond at first. “Where did you go, after dinner?”

 

Ren takes a calming breath. It’s not an accusation, but the guilt hits him immediately as he brings up a preconstructed lie, “I stopped by the flower shop to give my boss a little present. She’s a very sweet woman, I thought it’d be nice.”

 

He knows it’s flimsy, but his mind has been very preoccupied. It doesn’t stop Goro’s brows from knitting and his posture pulling in taunt like he’s being attacked. Ren settles in for another battle.

 

“Why are you lying to me?”

 

Ren takes his time responding. He wants Goro to know how serious he is. “Can I ask you to just trust me and drop it?”

 

“Fuck off.” They both wince, but Goro continues, voice shaky and irritable, “You’re asking me to just trust you when you gave me such a blatant lie, without any explanation? I thought it was a simple question.”

 

“It is.”

 

“So why can’t you tell me?”

 

Ren presses his mouth in a thin line. There’s not much damage control that can be done. “I’m sorry.”

 

Goro’s breath hitches, arms crossing. It makes his body language more sullen and Ren’s stomach drops at the sight of it. “I thought we were done with this.  _ Keeping secrets. _ How am I supposed to trust you like this?” He doesn’t respond and Goro’s shoulders sink. “You got like this when he came by the clinic. What is going on?”

 

“Please stop asking questions.”

 

He forces himself to stay sitting straight, a picture of calm, even as Goro folds in on himself. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I tell you how I’m feeling, what I’m thinking. I talk to your friends, I think I’m actually forming a bond with them. I’m fucking eating a proper amount of food every day and I’m actually thinking about a future. But you still don’t trust me.”

 

“That’s not it,” Ren hastens to correct him.

 

“ _ No _ ?” Goro’s head shoots up. His eyes are wet, but he’s furious. “I don’t think you’ve once talked about what’s bothering you despite all my pestering. I have to dig and dig and I get the bare minimum from you. You just sit there and stew in your own head instead of talking it out, yet that’s all you want from me.”

 

Ren swallows. 

 

“I won’t press this issue. All I ask is that you consider how your behavior makes others feel.” His hands dig into the scarf as he lets Ren consider his words, a tear slipping down his cheek despite himself. “This scarf is really soft.”

 

“You like the material?”

 

“I do. A lot.” He wipes the dampness on face off with it, before holding it there like he’s suffocating himself. 

 

Ren watches him for a couple of minutes. “I’m so sorry my actions have caused you grief. You’re right, I didn’t consider how it would make you feel. I can’t explain myself right now, but I swear I will. Tomorrow, I promise.”

 

Goro gives a harsh laugh into his scarf before he drops into his lap, looking at him with red-rimmed eyes, “No you won’t. But I appreciate your intentions.”

 

Ren nearly feels like crying himself. He hesitates for only a moment, “I feel like things aren’t finished. That there’s still something else I need to do.”

 

Goro looks shocked that he’s actually speaking, but he nods, “I understand that, I think. There’s still the trial, and it’s still hard to believe that everything is so nicely resolved.”

 

Now that he’s opened his mouth to speak, Ren can hardly keep it all in, “The weight hasn’t been lifted off my shoulders yet. And I can’t tell if there actually is one or if I’m imagining it because it’s been there for so long.” Ren sniffs and throws his glasses on the coffee table. His head is pounding. 

 

“No one told you you had to carry the burden yourself. In fact, you told me the exact opposite.”

 

“I know. Because I hate seeing you in pain. I hate seeing anyone in pain.”

 

“Hiding everything from everyone so that they’re not troubled is not better, Ren. It just makes the problem hang there, unspoken, but it’s still there.”

 

“I have to take care of this one thing in order to feel okay. That’s all I can say.” Ren stares at the other, pleading. He wants to reach for his hands, but knows it wouldn’t be welcome. He went about this terribly, but as honestly as he possibly could. It has to be enough for now. 

 

Goro is still looking at him coldly, like he can freeze out Ren into spilling everything, “You said you’ll explain tomorrow?” Ren nods, and Goro clearly doesn’t buy it, “So whatever you’re doing won’t go unnoticed for long.” He says it to himself, like he’s thinking aloud. Ren squirms and wishes he’d just let it be, but Goro is just as stubborn as he points Ren out to be. 

 

And Goro has played long games before. He’s all too familiar with them. If he relents now, it will only be so he can plot his next move for later on.

 

Ren sighs and knots his fingers in his hair, distressed, “Just give me a couple of days, at least.”

 

Goro shrugs in response and the conversation dies pathetically. Ren feels an intense desire to reach out for comfort, but he doesn’t want to put Goro out more than he has already. He watches him check the time on his phone, and seeing how late it was, he asks without thinking, “Do you want me to leave?”

 

“What?” Goro responds, exasperated. “Why would I want you to leave? It’s your house.” Ren doesn’t bother replying. “Besides, you’re acting as if you’re walking the green mile. I want to spend as much time with you as possible if you think there’s a limited amount.”

 

There’s no way in hell Goro hasn’t figured him out. 

 

But Ren ignores that and sags with relief, asking, “Can I kiss you?”

 

Instead of answering, Goro sits firmly in his lap, hands pressing against his shoulders. Ren reaches to hold his waist, and sighs when he feels Goro’s lips on his own. He keeps the kiss chaste, but Goro seems to have leftover aggression, and Ren hisses at the bite Goro leaves behind as he pulls away.

 

Goro kneads at his tense shoulders, “Any other requests? I’m all yours for the night.”

 

Ren knows in what matter he means. When Goro was at similar levels of distress, he’d offer any comfort he could provide, usually a headspace with the opportunity to decompress and soothe the anxieties and overthinking. Now, he offers himself over without prompt, giving Ren the chance to lose himself to someone else’s needs, a headspace in its own right.

 

Ren cups Goro’s face with both hands, parts his lips, but no words come to him. He feels more than he can articulate. He settles for pulling Goro in for an embrace, burying his head in his chest. The boy’s heartbeat is the most soothing sound to his ears. Goro’s arms reach around to cocoon him, fingers digging into his hair. 

 

“Ren…” He sounds overwhelmed, maybe even frightened. But Ren can do something about that. He moves his hands under Goro’s sweater to roam boldly and plants a seductively wet kiss to his neck. He inhales sharply in reaction, body leaning in to Ren’s touches greedily. He grips at him possessively, leaving more marks with his nails and his teeth than he normally would. He wants Goro to remember this long after he’s gone. It’s not as if he’s complaining anyhow, given how audible his breathing has become already.

 

“I want...everything,” Ren mumbles into Goro’s skin. “Will you let me…” 

 

He doesn’t even bother finishing the sentence, Goro’s head nodding vigorously and his voice like honey reaffirming, “I’m yours. I’m all yours,  _ please _ , Ren.”

 

Ren makes quick haste scooping Goro up as he makes his way to the bed, feeling legs wrap around him immediately. He lays them both down before he’s chasing for Goro’s lips, the urgency in both of their actions as heavy as the future looming over him. But for now, he loses himself to Goro’s hands, the warmth of his mouth, and the symphony of his encouraging moans.

 

Goro tugs at his clothes insistently and he sits up to remove them hastily. Their hands bump into each other getting Ren’s pants off, then Goro is following him up. He cups Ren’s face, leaning in for another kiss. Ren smiles before nosing at a spot behind Goro’s ear, murmuring, “Sweet boy.”

 

He feels the shiver run through Goro like an aftershock, and he grabs at his waist tightly. He runs his mouth along the length of Goro’s neck, sucking at a bite mark that he had already left. Goro pushes into it, wordlessly begging for more as his lips part with a gasp. Ren pulls away and watches as the other boy squirms under his hands, reaching underneath his sweater and toying with his nippples. He’s merciless but haste with his teasing tonight; can hardly contain the relief, the love, and passion he feels formed by Goro yielding.

 

“You’re all mine tonight, yeah?” A pinch, and Goro jolts. Ren smirks, “Want to put a show on for me?” He moves a hand to Goro’s ass, squeezing before patting encouragingly, “Stand up.”

 

Goro obeys the command, standing in the spot between Ren’s legs once he sits on the edge of the bed. Ren nudges him slightly further back with a hand around his wrist, making sure he is still within his reach. He kisses the inside of the wrist gently, running his fingers around the material of the sweater, “I really do love this on you.” He releases the arm and leans back, “Take it off.”

 

He watches Goro’s face, already burning bright, as he reaches for the hem. He hesitates for but a moment before he pulls the sweater over his head and drops it on the ground unceremoniously. He stands patiently, waiting for Ren’s next instruction.

 

“Good boy,” Ren praises, smirking as his boy exhales shakily. “Now your pants.”

 

Goro wastes no time, now, and the clothing falls to the floor with an audible thud from his belt. He goes for his underwear as well, unprompted, so Ren interrupts with, “Stop. Look at me.”

 

He waits for Goro to peer at him underneath his eyelashes, and waits longer still. When his head is raised up all the way, face flushed and breathing heavy, Ren reaches between his legs and begins to jerk himself. Goro’s mouth parts deliciously and Ren huffs, triumphant. Satisfied with his undivided attention, he nods at Goro, who slips the last of his clothing off before shuffling in place.

 

“What do you want?” He asks, hand unfaltering in its strokes.

 

“You,” Goro replies immediately, eyes trained on the back and forth motions. “Please.”

 

Ren wraps his other hand around Goro’s wrist, tugging him back in and down for a kiss. He says against his lips, “Since you asked so nicely,” and pulls him down further until Goro is kneeling between his legs. He moves his hands away and Goro begins to lean in, but Ren grabs his chin, halting him. 

 

“Hang on, honey.” He hands him one of his pillows, “Under your knees,” and while Goro situates himself, Ren pulls his hair back for him into a loose ponytail. Once he’s ready, Goro looks up at him, waiting. Ren cups his cheek and he leans into it, eyes closing. Ren smiles, “Perfect.”

 

Once he’s satisfied with the sight before him, he moves his hand to the back of Goro’s head and leans back, inviting. Goro keeps his previous command in mind, eyes trained on him as he dives in, wrapping his lips around the head of his dick enthusiastically. Ren can’t help the loud groan that slips out, head falling back as he lets Goro do as he pleases. 

 

He’s learned a lot since their first time. He keeps a steady pace bobbing his head, fucking his own mouth gratefully, while his hand keeps what he can’t reach stimulated with gentle jerks. The contradiction leaves Ren’s head spinning, and a string of praises spills from his lips breathlessly. Goro’s tongue presses against the length before he moves back to suck at the crown, moaning around it. He pulls away briefly to inhale deeply, before he moves on him slowly, deepthroating him.

 

The shock of it has Ren’s hips trying to jerk up, but he stops himself, his hand fisting in Goro’s hair, “ _ Fuck. _ ” Goro pauses once he gets as much as he can, breathing audibly through his nose and fingers clenching at Ren’s thighs. He tangles one of his own hands with his, encouragingly, before he gasps out, “You’re doing good, honey, you feel so fucking good. I can’t believe how lucky I am.  _ Shit. _ ”

 

Goro’s forehead leans against his stomach and he groans, the vibration of it sending shivers up Ren’s spine. He cups Goro’s face once more, thumb rubbing against his cheek in awe and adoration. Goro’s eyes open and peer at him, wanting and waiting. 

 

_ Ah. _ “You’re sure?” Goro nods once, as much as he can, and Ren holds his face firmly. “Pull away the moment it’s too much.” He hesitates for a moment longer, staring at Goro’s ever so trusting expression, before he tests the waters, thrusting up short and quick. They both groan loudly at the feel of it, hands clutching at each other. Ren continues once more, then again, until they get accustomed and establish a rhythm. His thigh stings from Goro’s nails digging in, and he might be losing feeling in his fingers squeezing Goro’s, but the wetness of his mouth feels incredible.

 

He looks at his boy, face burning red and eyes wet, but he looks blissed out of his mind.  _ He’s gorgeous _ , he thinks as he thrusts up once more, Goro whining around him. 

 

“Fuck, I’m not going to last long, Goro. It’s too good, you’re so amazing, I love your mouth on me,” he rambles. He grips at Goro’s neck possessively. “Touch yourself for me, honey.”

 

A series of high pitched sounds indicate that Goro is doing as told, and Ren thrusts up a bit too harshly. Goro pulls off with a cough and rests his head on Ren’s thigh, his hand moving to replace his mouth. Ren catches it swiftly and kisses his palm. He watches him jerk himself off for a few moments to let him rest, but he becomes entranced watching his orgasm build up, a series of moans and whines escaping him.

 

He snaps out of it when Goro looks at him pleadingly, “Ren…”

 

“Come here,” he responds, pulling him up back into his lap. Their lips connect urgently and Goro’s arms wrap around his neck. He pushes his tongue in Goro’s mouth greedily, pulling him closer. They part for breath and Goro leans their foreheads together. 

 

“Give me your hand,” Ren whispers. He takes it and wraps it around both of their lengths, jerking them both off together. He becomes enraptured by the jointness of it and his groans compliment Goro’s keening close to his ears. The sounds of it all encompass the room, their combined body heat between them overwhelming him. He presses his lips to the corner of Goro’s mouth as the orgasm hits him hard, and he finds himself leaning against him magnetically.

 

Goro follows along not after, sagging in his arms with a raspy cry. Their bodies are heavy, but they support one another faithfully. Once his senses come back to him, he turns his attention to bringing Goro back gently, “You okay? How’s your throat?”

 

He gets a sleepy groan in response and nods, feeling exhaustion creep on him as well after the day he’s had (it’s really only been a day?). He eases Goro to lie down gently before getting up to grab them pajamas and a bottle of water. Once he’s satisfied with the aftercare routine, he lays down beside him, pulling him close.

 

“I’ll make sure you get some tea in the morning, that sound good?” Goro hums and knocks their heads together, leaving no space between them.

 

“Ren…”

 

Goro usually doesn’t say anything after they’ve had sex, the subspace rendering his mind pleasantly fogged and his tongue tied, so this is a bit surprising. “Hmm?” 

 

It takes him a long time to continue, but his response is just as puzzling despite its simplicity, “Nothing. Goodnight.”

 

Ren sighs heavily before kissing his brow, knowing sleep won’t come to him anytime soon.

 

He ends up waking up too early, a little after five. He unlocks his phone to find an email from Sae, containing instructions on what to bring and what will most likely happen, but Ren has already done this song and dance before. He places the phone back on the table and turns back to Goro, buried in his bed sheets.

 

The apprehension chills him more than the lack of coverage does, but he can’t ignore his freezing toes.

 

“Blanket hog,” he mumbles at the slumbering boy before tugging on his duvet. The movement disturbs him, but he simply rolls over and wraps his arms around Ren’s torso, and Ren throws the blanket over both of them. 

 

“Ah, here’s all the warmth,” he smiles, kissing the top of Goro’s head. He knows he won’t go back to sleep now, so he settles for lightly tracing shapes into Goro’s skin, the rhythms of their breathing soothing him as he watches the sun creep in slowly through the window.

 

The spell breaks when his alarm goes off hours later, despite him quickly turning it off. Goro’s body on top of his now feels stiff, evidence that he’s awake, but he doesn’t move. When Ren attempts to, his grip on him tightens, and Ren immediately gives in. He feel’s Goro’s shaky exhale and he squeezes his arms around him. He buries his face in Goro’s hair and they let the moment linger.

 

Ren thinks Goro will end up dozing off again, but he reaches a hand up to Ren’s cheek, pressing their lips together chastely. When they part, they look at each other meaningfully. Ren’s fate is weighing heavily on both of them, but the space between them is spared from any urgency after last night. As long as they remain in this moment, all else ceases to exist.

 

Goro’s fingers roam over Ren’s face like he is committing it to memory. Ren mimics the motion, thumb caressing his cheek, before leaning in for another kiss.

 

“Morning breath,” he chuckles, but Goro rolls his eyes and closes the gap for him, even going as far as pushing his tongue in. Ren accepts it gratefully, groaning as he attempts to pull him in even closer. They rest their foreheads together and Ren murmurs, “You’re quiet.”

 

“Mhmmm,” Goro helpfully replies before sitting up and moving away from Ren. He curls against the wall, knees pulled up to his chest. Defensive. The obvious nature of it stings Ren, so he busies himself getting his glasses on and finding clothes to change into. Goro’s eyes follow him all the while, but he remains silent. Ren wonders if he is mentally taking notes on what items he’s throwing in his bag, as if that will clue him in to Ren’s secret plan.

 

It doesn’t really matter anyhow. Goro’s attitude indicates that he’s not planning on stopping him today.

 

Ren deems himself as ready as he’ll ever be, so he moves back to sit next to Goro, taking both hands in his own. Goro stares at their fingers intertwining instead of making eye contact, and it makes him desperate to reach out, to just spill everything. But he knows it would do more harm than good.

 

“No attempts to stop me?” He jokes crudely.

 

“No, I’ve learned very well that there’s no point trying to stop someone so insistent on leaving you,” Goro answers, mouth twitching up ruefully.

 

Ren sighs defeatedly, “Would it help at all to say it isn’t about you?”

 

“Really?” Goro sneers. “It isn’t? You must know how this all appears, outside of that ever-scheming mind of yours.”

 

Ren tries again, “Sorry, I mean it isn’t  _ just _ about you. None of them know, Goro.”

 

His eyebrows pinch hearing that, but he lets Ren continue.

 

“I can’t tell any of them. You actually know the most now.”

 

Goro’s expression is still hard, “I know that there’s something to know, that means nothing, Ren.” Ren stares at him helplessly. “But now you’re saying there’s solidarity between myself and your friends?” Silence sits with them, and Ren regrets staying to see it through to the end when realization mixed with dread dawns on Goro’s face. “Ren…”

 

He squeezes his hands, “Goro,  _ please _ . Let it be.”

 

Goro looks ready to argue, so he raises their hands and presses his lips to them. After, he rests his forehead against them, head pounding and feeling oh so heavy. His arms are limp, Goro alone is keeping him up.

 

“I’m begging you.”

 

He hears Goro sigh before his face is being cupped and pulled up to eye level. He sees such a strong conviction there. 

 

“I can’t promise that none of them won’t do anything once they know,” Goro warns.

 

“And I’m sure you’ll be a great ally for their efforts.” These past couple of weeks have proved just that to him.

 

Goro smiles softly in response to Ren’s own, before pulling him in his arms. Ren lets himself sag and Goro’s fingers tangle themselves in his hair. He whispers, “You’ll be okay. We’ll fix it.”

 

Ren nods, closing his eyes and leaning fully on the other. He’ll allow himself to believe that, to give him strength.

 

* * *

 

 

(Epilogue)

 

“Is this the right place?”

 

“You know how thorough Goro is with details, I don’t think he’d lead us astray.”

 

Morgana grumbles before settling down in Ren’s bag, no longer willing to help him in his quest to find Goro’s apartment. The small college town Goro now lives in is probably the most picturesque place he’s ever been in his life, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel frustration as he traverses this maze-like neighborhood. He never thought he’d be so lost without Tokyo’s large and distinctive towers, having grown up somewhat a country bumpkin himself, but he searches for anything remotely outstanding he can describe to Goro to help find him and sees nothing but clear skies. His eyes tear up a little.

 

He hears the sound of a large dog barking and turns around, tensing as a Great Dane that looks more like a horse than a dog barrels his way, seeming like he’s not going to stop.

 

“Heel.” The dog does so, right in front of him. “Sit.” The love of his life finally appears in his line of sight as the beast sits obediently and he smiles wide.

 

“Hi babe. Hello, Thor,” he greets the dog indulgently. He fidgets like he’s one second away from jumping into Ren’s unwilling arms, but Goro has him trained well. He steps around him to peck Goro’s cheek. “I love you so much, you’re my hero. This place makes no sense.”

 

“I love you too,” Goro laughs. “It does once you figure it out. You went from the middle of nowhere to Tokyo and  _ this _ overwhelms you?”

 

“At least in Tokyo there are signs everywhere.”

 

“Please take us home, we’re very tired!” Morgana pokes his head out of the bag. A big mistake, considering it gets Thor worked up. Goro reels him in easily, but Ren and Morgana eye him warily.

 

“I thought I told you to get a dog, not an elephant,” Ren frowns.

 

“Oh please, he’s harmless.” Goro pets the dog lovingly.

 

“He could probably take on Godzilla in a fight.”

 

“He makes me feel very safe, what with me leaving alone and all.” Goro smirks cheekily and Ren pouts.

 

“Okay but I have to agree with Morgana, I really wanna lay down.”

 

“Right this way.” Goro and Thor start walking back the direction they came, Ren siddling on beside him. “And then this way and then this way…” Ren shoves him and he laughs loudly.

 

Ren links their hands together, “Do we have to share the bed with the dog?”

 

“No, he has his own bed.”

 

“Good, because we’ve got a lot of cuddling to catch up on.”

 

Goro grins at him and Ren is so in love, “Can’t wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is very idealistic in the way people feel about Goro and what he's done, but it's what truly felt most natural to me considering what was said by the PTs in the boiler room scene. They really did want him on his side, despite everything, and so there's tension, obviously, but I feel like there would be reconciliation based on what that scene gave us. Realistically, a lot of really good authors have tackled the complexity of Goro interacting with the PTs post-Sae palace much better than I have, but I did kind of want to have a more positive approach, even if it isn't realistic.
> 
> At first, I was really paranoid about the game's actual narrative while trying to incorporate Goro into all of it before I kind of said fuck it and did my own thing based purely off of memory, so sorry if there are inconsistencies LOL
> 
> And there we have it! I have a couple of side stories for this verse in mind though, including exploring Goro's own confidants because I'm such a sucker for wild card!Goro. But for now, we have reached a conclusion. Thank you for reading!!


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